Endure to the End

I would like to dedicate this entry to Brenda R., and Tim.

What does it mean to endure? To withstand pain or fatigue: to tolerate and to continue. For how long? To the end. How long is that, and when do we know the end is near, or has it already passed? Enduring to the end is not a negative statement, but one that signifies strength and growth.

In life we all have things to endure. To some they have to endure a kung fu warm-up, a dentist appointment, a job interview, or an 11 hour black belt grading. Others are forced to endure divorce, the death of a child, or financial ruin. The type of task to endure does not in any way define the level of endurance it will take to overcome. For everyone, this is unique to the individual.

Over the past few months, I have struggled with the thought of ending my kung fu training. Some of my journal entries were written to gather my thoughts about what I know is true and right. And... to perhaps convince me that what I am doing is what I should be doing. I have recently decided to get off the fence and give it my all, instead of giving up and quitting. I have never liked being a quitter. I have decided to endure.

The first step I have taken in getting back on track is to arrange my schedule so that I have time to train. Second, I have set goals to boost up my physical condition. I have been doing a regular evening routine with my exercise ball and a set of weights for some time now, but recently I have started running every night. I also practice forms that I haven't done for months. These are things that I must endure every day in order to get where I want to go with my physical condition, and to advance my skills in the martial arts.

Running takes a lot of endurance for me. Until about 5 years ago, I absolutley despised running. Now, I can't wait for the opportunity to go. At work, I have to really focus on what I am doing. The same is at Kung fu. When I run, I am aware of, but not focused on, the length of my stride, and the rythm of my breath. My mind has total freedom to take any road it wants. It is this freedom that helps me endure the run. While running tonight, I stopped to look at my watch, thinking I had run about 5 minutes non stop. I had actually been running for 20 minutes. I often take my dog running with me. She is obedient and stays by my side, (on a leash of course). I let her set the pace, because hers is always constant. These factors contribute to the ability to endure the pain in my calv's and my thighs, and allow me to reach my goals I have set for myslef.

Sometimes, and perhaps more often than we think, endurance is a thing of the heart. They say that you can only have something come "unto" your heart, but never "into" it. We protect our hearts. Some of us with little picket fences, some with a 10 foot chain link, and barbed wire at the top. It is only through our own desires that we can let anything or anyone into our hearts, simply by lowering our fence and allowing it to happen. I have kept my heart pretty tightly protected to most everyone and everything, except my kids. Somehow for me, this has given me strength to endure what I have had to over the years. Now, I am currently taking steps to soften my heart, and when I do, I notice it helps to disolve any negativity in my life that I may be feeling. Instead of seeing my fellow students as always better than myself, causing problems in itself, I see strengths and opportunities to learn from others, as well as to teach others. Through this change I have noticed a difference with my outlook on life, with my kung fu, and with my relationship with others.

I am going to go out on a limb here, but it is not to gain pity of others. I don't need or want it. I do it simply to give hope to others in a situation of enduring to the end. In a previous entry titled 'It takes a village', I wrote of a woman who had many things to endure in her life. I would like to add a few more successes that she accomplished over the years. This same person, received her certification as a fitness instructor, and worked hard to become very good at it. She also received her certification that allowed her to help children with special needs. She reached out to many lives with this education, and her natural ability to care. She also earned her 1st and then 2nd degree black belt in the art of Kung Fu. Endurance. It's out there for all of us to grasp, if we just put forward the right attitude.

At a recent conference I was lucky to attend, we watched a video of an experience by Aaron Roulson. This young man was climbing in some canyons by himself when a boulder landed on his arm, pinning him down. After 4 days of laying there without rescue, he noticed that the skin on his fingers was flaking off. He came to the realization that his damaged arm was dying. With a dull knife, he cut off his own arm. He then began to walk out of the canyon. This included repelling down a six story high cliff, and walking 6 kms in the hot desert sun, and losing 55% of his blood. His will to survive and see his family again was so strong, that it made the difference between his living and dying. He chose to endure and beat the odds.

I also talked with a man at the conference that is an underwater CSI guy. He also works with a team to give rescue aid to people in life threatening situations. He said that the will to survive is incredibly strong, and people can sustain very serious injuries and live because of their will to. He also said that a person with a serious injury and a will to survive, will endure to make it to safety, but then die shortly after. Not due to their injuries, but due to the fact that they pass over their will to survive into the hands of their rescuers. Their adrenaline starts to slow down, and so does their will to survive. Why? Because they feel they are safe, and they give up, so to speak. Enduring to the end. Not enough can be said about these 4 small words.

Sometimes we have a technique, or a form to learn, but it just doesn't seem possible. We try and we try, and don't seem to get anywhere. Then one day, all of a sudden the technique doesn't seem so tough after all. Has the nature of the technique changed? No. Our persistence to endure and make the change has caused the change. The task stays the same, while it is our ability to do the task that becomes easier.

As we go through changes in our lives it all becomes easier when we are converted to the ideas in our hearts and minds. It is not enough to believe, and hope for the best, but we need to be truly converted, so that we can know for an assurity that what we are doing has true purpose, and value. I see this all the time in kung fu students. As a white belt, I started with the idea that to learn kung fu kicks and punches would be "cool". As I moved up in rank, I became converted to what the martial arts was really about: amongst other things, personal growth, respect, unity, compassion for others, and a building of true character. This conversion didn't happen all at once. It was, and is, an ongoing event. To me, Kung Fu is an ongoing test of endurance. It takes mental and physical strength, sacrifices, and a will to succeed.

Why do I endure to the end? In life it is, and always has been for the sake of my children. In Kung fu it is because Master Brinker asks it of me, and because I ask it of myself. I endure to the end because I know that in the end, I will be stronger and a better person for it. Even when it doesn't feel like it at the time.

How do I endure to the end? I have a purpose, and for me that purpose has value. I have a vision of what I want the end to look like. I also sometimes look for distractions, such as freedom of thought when I run, a good intense kung fu workout, and service to others. When I feel I can't endure anymore on my own, I look to others to help me.

Endure to the end. In kung fu, there is no end. It is a constant, beneficial test of our endurance. Even as a black belt, it is a continuous journey, but it just takes a different turn in the road. In life, we will always have scars from things that we have had to endure, but one day these scars will turn into mere painless memories. I suppose it is then that we can say we have reached the end. The next step is to start at a new beginning, with new attitudes, new personal growth, and new ideas for success in the future.