journal smournal

Yes, journaling is a very weak point for me. Master Brinker encourages us all the time to journal as he did again last night. #1 problem is finding time to do it. It takes me forever to write my journals...edit, edit, edit. #2 problem is finding time to get the computer to myself. #3 problem is the biggest. WHAT THE HECK DO I WRITE ABOUT??

I feel that every week is the same old, same old. Nothing new. Listening to Master Brinker last night say that we should be growing in our martial arts, and changing all the time, makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I don't feel like I have anything new to write about. Yes, I am working out all the time, yes, I am practicing my forms, yes, I am working on all my requirements, (although I lack in one area). I eat, sleep, and dream kung fu. It is always on my mind. So what am I doing wrong? Perhaps I think more about it than I actually physically DO IT. Although I work out all the time, it isn't actually kung fu that I am doing. I ALWAYS go to the tri and work on the equipment there, and SOMETIMES go to the kung fu school to train. I simply didn't realise the difference there until I just wrote it down now. I can see that I need to ALWAYS go to the kung fu school to train, and I need to SOMETIMES go to the Tri to work out. Or at least find a balance between the two.

I have kept a personal journal for 30 years, and that is easy for me to do. I have the freedom to write about anything I feel in my heart, because I know it is my thoughts and my thoughts alone. No one has to agree or disagree, or ever read it. If I want to write about something I am proud of accomplishing, I can, and I can write all my honest thoughts about how it makes me feel. I can write about my encounters with friends, my family, the ups, the downs. Its all so easy. To write about what I am proud of accomplishing online makes me very conscious of sounding like I am bragging. So I usually try to avoid that sort of thing. I have tried to just let loose and let my thoughts flow freely in my online journals, but it is very difficult for me, and I usually end up trying to change my wording from the way I would usually word it in my personal journal.


I love doing my weapons, and it always makes me feel invigorated, excited, energetic, and my passion for the arts comes through very strongly. Doing the other curriculum is harder, especially the techniques that require a partner. I try to read through my curriculum and visualise the techniques in order to constantly remember them, and that does help a bit. I don't really know why, but I just don't feel as strong about kung fu as I used to, and that bothers me. It bothers me a lot.

Another part of it may be that I start work at 5 am which means that I am up every day at 4 am, and my job is very physically demanding. I don't get enough sleep because going to bed at 8:00 is very difficult for me, and that is the time I need to go to bed in order to get a proper nights sleep. I teach two nights a week until 7:30, and then go to the gym, then shower. I go to the gym that late because I meet friends there. I only have my evenings to be with my kids, and enjoy their company, so taking off to bed at 8:00 makes that more difficult. Needless to say, I try to have a small snooze after work, then make dinner, then off I go. I know that if I really want to do something, I have to work harder at making it a priority, and I know that it is possible to do just that.

All this is just a way of justifying my shortcomings, I suppose. There are two simple words that I need to follow without all the excuses, because excuses are easy to find. I am not one to slack off, so I should be able to follow my own councel and the councel of Master Brinker. The words are simply..."DO IT!"