'Time Out For Women'

I got a call late last night from my friend, telling me she had an extra ticket to a special woman's conference at the Mayfield Inn. I was very excited, but beside myself with what to do, for the conference was today, and so was the Kung fu Tiger Challenge. I had full intentions of attending the tournament, but was tempted by my friend's invitation. I told her to give me 10 minutes to think it over, and weighed my options. I decided to go to the conference, and I know in my heart now, having attended, that it was the right choice.

I learned many things today, and I can recognize a level of personal growth within. It was also a very special feeling to be in a room with 1400 other woman and feel connected in body and spirit and with the personal challenges that we all face as mothers, wives, sisters, single parents, and working women. It was wonderful to celebrate being a woman with musical entertainment, as well as very insightful speakers.

Amongst the many things that I came away with, one was the importance of being an optimist, instead of a pessimist. If faced with an opponent that is the size of Goliath, do we think, "oh, he is so big I will never defeat him". Or do we say, "he is so big, how can I miss". It is all about attitude, and how we decide to look at a situation. Some of us are born with a natural cheerful disposition, others have to work at it. I get a bit annoyed when I walk into work and say a cheerful "good morning!", and someone says, "what's so good about it?" I always have the same response. "Well, for starters, I am alive and healthy and my kids are safe". If nothing else, I know I at least have that.

This goes hand in hand with being part of the solution, not the problem. If we have an issue with something at kung fu and all we do is go complain to Master Brinker, we become part of that problem. What if we went to Master Brinker with our supposed issue, plus we presented him with a couple of ideas on how we can solve the problem? We have just become part of the solution, not part of the problem. We have become proactive, and we have learned how to think for ourselves.

I have a daughter that has caused me great concern in the past, plus a lot of sleepless and stressful nights. I tend to look at my children and judge my parental skills by their personal accomplishments, and the amount of integrity and character they possess. I learned a valuable lesson today about turning that around. Instead of looking at what my children have gained from me being their parent, look at what I have gained from being their parent. In particular, what areas of personal growth have I gained from going through a few troubled years with my youngest daughter? I could make a list as long as my arm. Among them would be patience, the value of unconditional love, true knowledge and appreciation of the strength of families, a testimonial of the rewards for enduring to the end, the power behind empathy, and a stronger conviction to never judge others, but to look at everyone as a child of God and know that no matter who they are, or what they have done, they all deserve the respect and understanding of those around them. Sometimes, those that deserve our love the least, need it the most.

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." That's right..."badly." Think about it. If it is something really worth doing, and you do it badly, you are going to work your butt off and keep trying until you can do it right. Until you can master it. And think of the limitless things you learn and gain by doing that. A perfect example of this is when I was rock climbing Friday night. I attempted a very difficult climb that included an overhang of about 3 or 4 feet. I really wasn't confident that I could do it, but wanted to try anyways. It was as tough as I thought, and as I got to the last 2 holds right at the overhang, I just couldn't grab and I fell. My partner at the bottom had the other end of the rope, so all I did was swing against the rock. I tried again, and again, and my arms felt like they wanted to literally fall off. They were yelling at me, "no more, please!" My partner asked if I wanted to be lowered, but I told him no way. I was not going to give up until I touched that last hold. After about my 4th try, I hung there and looked at what I had to do, I chalked up my hands, and told myself that I would get 1 million dollars if I made it to the top, and that my kids very lives depended on me getting there. I took a deep breath, got my feet in place, visualized the route I had to take, ignored my screaming forearms, saw that Tim was prepared in case I fell again, and I gave it everything I had. I gave my call down to Tim, "climbing", pushed with my feet hard, reached up and over the cliff, and grabbed those last 2 holds. I did it!! I was so excited to have beaten this battle with the rock wall. I won! I came away having learned more about the technique of where to put my feet, proper angling of leaning into the wall, where to center my weight, and the power of pure determination. "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

People often tell me that I have endured many adversities in my life and I have endured them well. I have overcome many things, and for that, I am stronger in many ways. People are surprised by my positive attitude and sanity that is still intact...somewhat. ha ha. There was an analogy at the conference that when faced with a trial, it is like walking down a tunnel into the darkness. When you get to the end and are about to fall, you either stand on a box to reach the light, or you learn how to fly. I learned over the years to be very good at flying. I am a far better person for it. Sometimes when my wings were a little out of shape, I would stand on a box and get held up. To me, that box is the many people in my life that have helped to hold me up out of the darkness. To them I am forever grateful.


Perhaps one of the most important things I came away with, was a softening of heart. Over the years I have noticed a hardening of my heart. I have closed it off somewhat to the more gentler things in life. I don't let myself get all caught up in "feelings" so to speak. I have prided myself in being "tough". This is something that is very hard to put into words, but very easy to notice in myself. I can tell when I have closed off my heart, and allowed it to become hard, and I know that over the last month a huge change has taken place. There have been a few events responsible and I appreciate going through those and what I gained from them. Today was one of those times.