Think About It...

I never figured myself to be the type to be lazy. I like to think that I have a great sense of work ethic. But there are several types of work, and my work ethic may vary depending on what I am doing and what time of the day it is.

I work out every day, and I enjoy it. Nothing like a strenuous bike ride that makes you soaked in sweat, or a 40 minute bout on the elliptical that makes your legs want to fall off and become detached from the rest of your body. Then there is always running the 6 or 7 km to kung fu class instead of jumping in the car, or my bike. Doing push ups and sit ups everyday...I can do all that with no ease at all. I enjoy it, I am almost beginning to thrive on it, and to need it in my daily routine, or it feels like something is really missing.

On the other end of things...try getting me to do forms for an hour. I can't say that I have lost my passion for kung fu, or that I feel training isn't necessary. I know it is necessary and it is something that should be a routine part of my day. But I really questioned myself yesterday as to why I find it so much more difficult than just "working out". I think I may have found an answer. I have discovered the difference between the two in my life.

I think that I am too darn lazy. For me to jump on my bike and ride for 90 minutes is nothing. I jump on, put on my earphones, crank up the volume on my ipod, and away I go. No stress, no PATTERN OF THOUGHT. That's it! On my bike or at the gym, I can just let my body go all out without having to think about it. My mind can wander and wonder, and believe me it does. It wanders all over the place, and wonders about all aspects of my life. Anything and everything. I don't have to take control of it.

On the other hand, doing my forms, or any aspect of kung fu, is very different in the sense that I have to stay focused, and keep my mind on what I am doing, not just let it go all over. There comes a time when a person can just go ahead and do a form with out even thinking about it. Muscle memory kicks in and away I go. But if I truly want to improve my forms, I need to be more attentive of my stances, my blocks, kicks, and transitions, and a hard one for me...releasing my chi.

I can compare this to people who have TV. They come home from work and veg in front of it. I am not the only one who knows how much a days work can take out of you. To come home and not have to think, is a great relief. Some people sit in front of the TV so that they can get that rest from having to think. For me, working out is my form of "watching TV", I guess. It is a great release from my day. So to put it all in perspective, after having to think all day long at work, and really focus on what I am doing, especially now that I drive the lift equipment, I am too darn lazy to come home and have to "think" when I work out. This is a big deal to me that I have come to this realization, because now I can take steps to fix it. I can start to work on a solution because I have discovered the problem.

This adds to my understanding of my difficulties with meditation. I can't just let my mind go, I have to control it. To control my mind and my breath, controls the level of relaxation in my body. If I can't relax my mind, I'll fail at relaxing my body, and isn't that the whole point? Although I have to think about the breath, it clears my head from thinking about other things.

At kung fu last night Sifu Hayes was teaching us the Tai Chi broadsword. As the class was getting near the end, he asked if we wanted to learn a bit more, or have we learned enough for one day. Naturally all the younger students were keen and wanted more, while I was of the opinion, "no thanks, that's enough for me today".

As I get older in age, I know the importance of using my mind and having to think about things will increase. It is true what they say, "if you don't use it, you'll lose it". I prefer to hang onto it, thank you very much. So again, I am thankful for this realization I have come to. I don't have a loss of passion for my kung fu. I love kung fu and all that is beneficial about it. I have just lost a bit of my drive to continue "thinking" about it.