85 %

Life is so often like a roller coaster. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down. Sometimes we are blessed, and sometimes we face adversity. Sometimes we are pumped and ready for anything, and sometimes we are discouraged.

I left the black belt class a couple weeks ago feeling the latter...discouraged. I am entering my fourth year as a 2nd degree black belt and time draws near for my next promotion. I have fulfilled most of my requirements, but one real important one hangs in the balance. I need 85% attendance at my classes. Sifu Brinker made this very clear to all of us in the class at that time. I walked out feeling, "I guess I may as well quit now".

Perhaps that is the negative side of me sneaking out again, but I will never have 85% class attendance, at least not in the black belt class. Once the weather is warm, I plan to spend every weekend I can, in the mountains. My oldest daughter is already asking me "when are we going to plan our first camping trip?" I also have plans to hike the West Coast Trail, and back pack and mountain bike a lot as I did last year.

So the big question is, what am I going to do about it? I know that quitting just isn't an option. How do you all of a sudden quit a way of life. kung fu...way of life...to me they are one of the same. I can't even imagine my life without kung fu.

It isn't even the promotion that is important to me, although yes, my true self may not be able to handle getting left behind as others are promoted ahead of me. Being promoted is not a huge goal for me though, and maybe that is not a good thing to admit. I enjoy constantly training, learning and progressing in skill, and it doesn't matter what class I attend, I always learn something. Sometimes it has to do with a physical movement, sometimes it has to do with something mental, and sometimes it is simple knowledge such as the effects of smoking. I always feel I am moving forward. I don't need an extra stripe on my belt to prove that to myself.

As I have thought a lot about this lately I have only come up with one solution. Do what I always do and let the chips fall where they may. I will continue to teach in other classes, train on my own and keep up with my curriculum and requirements, and attend the black belt classes that I can. I think that is all I can do. Quitting just isn't an option. Neither is giving up my time in the mountains. I wait all winter long to get away, and "be free". I feel most like my true self when I am outdoors, and it is so much of my life line.

Could I train a little harder? I could train A LOT harder, and I will try. I will try to put in that extra effort, and be the martial artist that I keep dreaming of being. But aside from that, and keeping a good positive attitude, I will train as I have been and see what happens. I am not what Sifu Brinker calls an "Edge, or a "Robertson". I am simply a "Stoddart". I have my own way, and I follow what I feel I need in my life right now. Sometimes I think that may be a bit selfish, but then that feeling passes and I know that for now, I am doing the right thing. " A time and a season for all things".