Am I Engaged?

I decided weeks ago that I would keep up with my blog every week. I kind of winced when I made this committment cause it seems I never have anything to say. Every week is the same. Funny thing is though, that ever since I made that promise to myself, I have so many things to journal about, that I can't wait to find the time to do it. As I was driving home from the kung fu school today, I was asking myself why that is. Why do I all of a sudden have things to write about that pertain to my training? I hardly had to think about it and the answer was staring me right in the face. I am all of a sudden more engaged in my training. At least I think that's what it means. With my son on board, I am doing more with my kung fu than I was a few weeks ago. I go and train more often than I was, and I train with more of a purpose. Before, my thinking was more "train so I don't forget stuff". Now my thinking is "train so I can get better at it". Again that is thanks to my son, and his attitude rubbing off on me.

I still teach in the beginner class twice a week, but I am more consistent than before. I have been very saddened by what happened to Sifu Shipalesky, and I feel her pain as she struggles to recover. Her being away from classes however, has made me step up more to my responsibilities as an instructor, and do my part. This benefits me far more than it does the students.

I have been teaching the fitness class now every week, and I love that. There is such an amazing group in there now with passion for what they are doing, and drive to push themselves to do better and go further with their training. They are a real fun bunch to teach and I always look forward to each week with them. With the way I have been running the classes, I am able to keep up with all of my curriculum, as I review it every week in preparation for class. I also do other research every class, and through that, I am learning about all the muscles in the body, even the little ones in our face and feet. I am learning about new ways to teach techniques, new exercises, new stretches, and different takes on good nutrition.

With my son coming to classes now, I also attend my black belt class every week that I am able. That consistency has helped me to stay in tune with my responsibilities, and keep up with the appropriate curriculum for my level. It also makes it easy to walk into class without feeling like I don't belong. I have become very comfortable with the other black belts, when before I have to admit I didn't feel that way. Doing the demo with the black belts helped me a ton with this part of my training as well. I am at a point now, where I don't feel like I am being judged in class, and I can focus on what I am doing without feeling like everyone is watching me. For me, that comes from consistent attendance, which leads to being in my comfort zone.

The demo I did at Chinese New Year was a big turning point in my training. I worked hard to perfect my form and being able to perform in front of others. It made me feel good about myself and my training. It gave me something to go forward with. It gave me something new to work towards, and that helped me mentally in a lot of ways.

I have been trying to attend the Tai Chi classes more. This is still kind of hit and miss as I look after my grandson a lot on the weekends. But if I am available, I try to go to class. If I can't I make sure to keep up with my practice on my own.

Today after my fitness class, I stayed at open training for almost the full 2 hours. It was so awesome, that I have a whole different journal entry for just that.

So there it is, right in front of me. The reasons why I have more things to write about in my journal. It's because I am actually doing things with my kung fu training now. I am not just sitting back and hoping that my training will take care of itself by attending classes once in awhile. I am going out there and doing something substantial about my training. If I didn't do that rope dart demo, I wouldn't have been able to journal about my progress with it. If I didn't get out there and help teach classes, I wouldn't gain what I do from it, and therefore have nothing to say about it. If I didn't get my butt to open training, I wouldn't have gained what I did today and been able to log it in my journal.

This has been a huge eye opener for me to see this change and realize what I needed to do. In order to have something to say about my training, I had to BE TRAINING, and to be training, means I have to get out there and do it. It isn't always easy, especially now with the weather so cold, and my life quite unsettled, and things I have going on with my daughter and grandson. It isn't easy to pick up and get out there to class when I am so fatigued from my week of work and the new pressures that come with my new position and responsibilities. It is especially hard to get to the later black belt classes on a Friday night, when I just want to relax and put my work week behind me, or hang out with my kids or a friend to enjoy the start to the weekend. But. . . I go. I get to my classes, and just do what I know is best for me. Once again, it helps me a lot to have my son behind me now, encouraging me, and inspiring me with his enthusiasm.

They say that the reason a person falls out of bed, is because they aren't in far enough. The same goes for my kung fu training. If I fall out, it is my own fault, because I wasn't in far enough. I wasn't owning up to my responsibilities as a student and as an instructor to those coming behind me. "I once was blind, but now I see."