Positive Progress

Last week Sifu Freitag asked the I ho chuan members to talk about some positives coming from their training. It's 2 months into our dog team year, and I feel I have learned and progressed so much already.  Watching videos of myself doing my form has shown me where I need work in my hips, how I have been slacking off with lowering my stances, and just noticing how my body is working as a whole.  From the tons and tons of videos I have watched while preparing my forms, and the many Kung fu articles I've read, I have learned a lot about different styles of Kung fu.  I have come to appreciate and really like the traditional shaolin style. I have also gained a strong determination to keep up with my practice and train hard, as I know it produces results in my personal growth, as well as with my art of Kung fu.  I saw a T shirt once that said "I eat, sleep, and breath hockey."  These days, I feel that way about my Kung fu. I can fully appreciate that I have the ability as well as the opportunity, to put as much time into my training as I do.  I train on a daily basis, not only physically, but very much mentally as well.  It's all connected, and together it helps me work towards mastery and, as I'm discovering, a better sense of self.

This is the most important thing to me, that has become a positive and very beneficial growth aspect of my training.  It's something that I didn't even set out to obtain. It was totally unexpected, but so very much appreciated, and so very much related to my I Ho Chuan requirements. With a better sense of self, has come a healthier, and more wholesome attitude about how I feel about who I am.

Growing up I was led to believe I was fat, ugly, and stupid. Even as an adult all these many years, I believed it. I always compared myself to others, and felt that everyone was better than me.  At work, in Kung fu, in my relationships, at church, you name it. I felt that the way I thought about things was different, and in a negative way.  I felt I was different because I don't have cable TV, and haven't since 1989 or something like that. So when people at work talk about shows or commercials, I feel bad because I have no idea what they are talking about.  I often hear, "Oh yah, you don't watch TV".  I grow big gardens, and produce and store a lot of my own foods, very rarely buying anything in a box or can. I even make my own kefir for goodness sake.  I don't have much for friends, and when I do "hang out", it's with my kids and grandkids. I do a lot of outdoor activities, as I don't like the city, or shopping, or being near groups of people. All of these things, I had convinced myself, made me "different", and not in a good way.   I'm actually quite a shy person, and because of that, I often come across as a snob.  I may come across as if I think I'm better than everyone. I'm not. It's the opposite actually.  I've always felt it was everyone else... who was better than I.

Kung fu has given me the tools to correct this pattern of thinking. Of course I have gained confidence from my many years of training, and I have come such a long way. So I wondered, why the difference now?  I realized that I can have all the confidence in the world that tells me I can achieve what I set out to do. I can have the confidence to protect myself when needed. I can even have enough confidence to get up in front of a group of people and teach a class.  But to me, that's not quite the same as having the kind of confidence that makes me feel good about who I am. Up until recently, I never really did.

I have been training from 1 to 2 1/2 hours and sometimes more, every day these past weeks. Training with my push ups, sit-ups, weapons form, hand form, reading articles, journaling, and watching videos. and so on. Again, it has helped me to progress in a forward direction.  I meditate anywhere from only 10 to 30 minutes every day at a time. Therein lies my most significant positive leaps in my personal growth. Through meditation I have learned things about myself that I never really knew before. Its like a study of my thoughts. I recognize my thoughts, emotions, desires, and upsets through where my mind goes when I meditate. There is so much I could say about this.  Also through my meditation practice, I have learned to focus better on my task at hand. Kung fu has always been a tool to help with focus. Now my meditation is right along side it. I'm not sure I could have focused so well on performing my forms in class tonight, if I had not been doing daily meditation practice.  Something else that I can't fail to mention, is the fact that sharing my thoughts with those close to me, about what I have learned and how I am progressing, has had a big impact on my progression as well.  It leads to deeper discussions on such topics, as well as providing me with different perspectives on certain subjects. 

All of these things I have written about, and especially the meditation, which is one of my personal requirements,  pool together to give me the biggest WOW from my training thus far. I appreciate being me.  I feel as if a window has been opened and a beautiful fresh breeze has blown in, and along with it, a new sense of self appreciation. That's the best way I can describe it. It's amazing to me, to recognize how I feel about myself today, compared to a few months ago. I can now begin to celebrate who I am and what makes me tick, so to speak.  I know now that I shouldn't feel bad about how I think, how I live, and why I do things the way I do. Like everyone else, I have my own special qualities, and I know that being ordinary just isn't good enough.  At least not for me.

Sifu Brinker knew what he was doing when he brought the I Ho Chuan to Silent River Kung Fu. He knew it would give all those who took advantage of it, a whole new set of tools to aide us in our quest for mastery.  These tools would further help us find our own way along the path to self improvement, self awareness, and the confidence to not only push ourselves forward, but also the kind of confidence that tells us, " I'm Ok".