While out on a nature trail last Saturday, we stopped on a bridge for several minutes to simply watch the flow of the stream as it went under us. It was so perfect knowing which way to flow, and the way it created shadows, and glimmerings of light in the crystal clear water. Nature doesn't only take action, it takes perfect action. Bees pollinate flowers, or makes honey. Always. Rivers and streams flow in a natural motion, directed by the environment and currents. Always. Being out in nature every day for the past 2 months has taught me that everything in nature knows it's purpose, and it's purpose happens so naturally, without resisting what is.
During the course of the summer, I was fortunate enough to watch a family of bald eagles a short distance across the bay. At first, the eaglet stayed down low in the nest, and the parents brought it food. Later on, I would see the young eagle hopping out on a limb connected to the nest, and soon he was further out on the limb testing his wings. Still, the parents brought him fish. Some time later, they would fly by the nest, and perch in a nearby tree. The young eagle would squawk like crazy, yet the parents never took the fish to it. The young eagle would get so desperate for food, it would suddenly take off and fly to the tree where the parent was with the fish. As soon as it did this, the parents would fly back to the nest with the fish. Following this, the juvenile eagle would return to the nest, and get its reward. Near the end of summer, the parents would fly past the nest, and eat the fish in a nearby tree, not allowing the juvenile to have any. Now came the lesson of "catch your own". I caught sight of the juvenile on the shore of the lake one day, looking out over the lake. I thought for sure he was thinking, "I know the fish are there, but how do I get them"? I was so amazed at this perfect example of parenting. Perfect action! I felt proud somehow, the day I spotted the juvenile soaring up high above the tree tops. The Eagles only know 1 thing... the now. All nature lives in the now. For us, life gives us whatever experience it feels necessary for us at any given time. Yet, for me, I have sometimes resisted the situation for what it is.
During the course of the summer, I was fortunate enough to watch a family of bald eagles a short distance across the bay. At first, the eaglet stayed down low in the nest, and the parents brought it food. Later on, I would see the young eagle hopping out on a limb connected to the nest, and soon he was further out on the limb testing his wings. Still, the parents brought him fish. Some time later, they would fly by the nest, and perch in a nearby tree. The young eagle would squawk like crazy, yet the parents never took the fish to it. The young eagle would get so desperate for food, it would suddenly take off and fly to the tree where the parent was with the fish. As soon as it did this, the parents would fly back to the nest with the fish. Following this, the juvenile eagle would return to the nest, and get its reward. Near the end of summer, the parents would fly past the nest, and eat the fish in a nearby tree, not allowing the juvenile to have any. Now came the lesson of "catch your own". I caught sight of the juvenile on the shore of the lake one day, looking out over the lake. I thought for sure he was thinking, "I know the fish are there, but how do I get them"? I was so amazed at this perfect example of parenting. Perfect action! I felt proud somehow, the day I spotted the juvenile soaring up high above the tree tops. The Eagles only know 1 thing... the now. All nature lives in the now. For us, life gives us whatever experience it feels necessary for us at any given time. Yet, for me, I have sometimes resisted the situation for what it is.
I think in the past, I have often tried to force things that are not to be. I have high expectations of what I feel should be, and then, either get upset when it doesn't happen, or I try to hide from the situations that give me pain or challenges me. I may pretend they don't exist, and by doing so, neglect dealing with them. This lack of acceptance only creates sorrow in my life. They never go away, but instead stay with me, hidden in my subconscious mind, only to appear when I least expect or want them to. I have had this happen several times. That's how it was with situations of my childhood. Now, having accepted them and dealt with them, they are no longer an issue for me.
I try to live my life with a healthy and positive state of mind. But there are times, when things turn the other direction. All of a sudden without me even realizing where it came from, I feel negative and things appear to be out of my control. They can put me in a "feel sorry for me" kind of attitude. I've heard it labeled as the pain body. The unconscious thoughts suddenly become conscious and we feel our life sucks, and that we will never get over what has given us sorrow. I have felt this many times before. I get upset at myself because I don't always understand where the thoughts have come from, or why they suddenly appear.
I believe now that these things come from some place far back in my unconscious mind. Things that 55 years of life experiences and interactions with others have put there. Some of them have been my own doing. Instead of accepting life situations for what they are, I used to get so upset, and even depressed over it. I would tell myself how stupid I was to make that particular mistake or do something I felt was wrong. I resisted the life situation for what it was. For what I thought it should be. What is more useful, is to accept what is, learn from it, and progress once more in a forward motion.
I was talking to my friend Dean about this. I had him punch me. As he did, I held out my hand, palm flat, and tried to resist his force. I couldn't hold him there for long and had to give up because his force was too strong. Then I had him punch me again. This time as the punch came in, instead of trying to resist it, I worked with it. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward with his punch. I talked to him about resistance in Kung fu, and how we work with it, to achieve positive results. We don't resist the opponents force, but yield to overcome. Work through it. Use your opponents weight against him. Go with the motion of the flow. This isn't any different when our opponent is a negative life experience. We will experience suffering, so recognize that and work with that suffering. Do not resist it, do not wallow in it either, but work through it. I have learned that by always thinking about the sorrow or pain that I am feeling, and wallowing in it, I hang onto it even longer. Sometimes people talk about their bad situations over and over again. They feel pain, so they let their mind create this sort of script, or story about their pain. Then they share it with everyone. This only causes the person to hang onto the suffering, instead of working through it and in the end, getting rid of it.
I remember when the Humbolt tragedy happened. Every day at work for weeks on the lunchroom TV, there were stories on the news about a family that had suffered, or about one of the survivors and their story. I felt so much compassion for the people involved in that, but I also felt it went on a bit long. It was as if the media was trying to keep the public in a constant state of sorrow.
Before, when something went wrong, or didn't go the way I wanted it to, I would fall into a depressive state, as if my world suddenly got turned upside down. I didn't like the feeling, so I did things to try to avoid how I felt. Some people use drugs or alcohol. I used distraction. Sometimes I would hang onto the feeling and dig myself into an even deeper hole. Once again, I put up resistance for the current moment, instead of accepting it. I made up these stories in my head about how bad my life was. Sometimes I have been in a depressive or sad state without being able to recognize why. Now, when in a case like that, I simply have to just watch and learn. Watch and see what my emotions are, and how I react to them. Sometimes they are just different types of energy passing through, and nothing to be concerned with.
I have learned so much in the past months, and have come great distances when it comes to living a more wholesome life with a positive state of mind. I have managed to clean up a lot of things that have caused me suffering in the past. Now, if I am having a bad day, I lean into what's happening rather than try to run from it. I work with it. The first step I take is to recognize the situation for what it is and then accept. Then I start meditating, and then, when necessary, I take action. I'm learning to take perfect action. No longer do I make up stories in my head about how horrible my life is, or wonder when things will get better. I recognize and work with now. Where am I and what am I doing right at this very moment? If I'm not where I want to be, or doing what I want to be doing, or even feeling the way I would like to, then what can and should I do to change things?
On Monday as I prepared to head home after being away for 2 months, my state of mind was somewhat subdued. I didn't want to leave and my mom didn't want me to either. Six months ago, I would get all down in the dumps and feel negative about my situation. Months ago, I have even called my mom in tears complaining about having to be in Alberta, when I wanted to be in BC. I allowed myself to get all depressed and feel sorry for myself and it just made me feel worse. This week, coming back was so much easier because I put my mind at ease by accepting the situation for what it was. I know where I am and what I need to be doing. For now, that is to be back in Alberta. For now, I can't change that, however, I can set goals, and make plans to change that in the future. For now, I have obligations and commitments at home, and family wanting to see me. I recognize my situation and emotions for what they are, without judging myself on them. I have surrendered and accepted what is, and I don't try to fight it. I'm working through it all and it's going quite well. I took the steps necessary to pack up and leave. It was an emotional goodbye for my mom and I, but no goodbyes are easy.
In Kung fu, and in life, when I feel there's no way out, I now know that there is always a way through. With both, I need to stay alert and stay present. Don't waste time thinking about the past, or the future. Stay in the current moment. Accept what is, then if I feel it's necessary, take action to change it. Take perfect action. I used to live in a world of "Things will be better tomorrow, and I'll be happier". I not only lived my life out of the current moment, but I resisted accepting what was. I don't feel that way anymore, and it's incredible. It brings me peace to know that I am living now, as things are, and not as I feel things should be. Instead of resisting my life situation as it is, I accept it, which allows me to have numerous possibilities of where my life can go, and how I can progress personally. I can go with the flow, instead of against it, so that my life can run more smoothly and move forward in a positive way more quickly.
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