Progression of Self

In my ignorance, I used to think that happy people were only happy because they had everything , or most everything, they wanted. I know now that people that seemed happy were like that not because they had everything, but rather because they appreciated what they did have. Their state of happiness isn’t due so much to what they have on the outside, like material possessions, but rather what they had on the inside, their state of mind, and in their heart.

I can remember in the past always hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. “Tomorrow I’ll be happy.  I’ll be happy when I have more money, or when I fall in love”. I’m so thrilled to say that I can’t even remember feeling that way for some time now. I feel that I have managed to quiet that kind of mindset. I’ve written about this before but only because it still amazes me how much I have learned this past year, and how far I have progressed.

Being in Invermere now, means that I have to look for work. Some time ago, this type of life situation would stress me out.  I would feel a huge burden upon my shoulders, and this would show in my physical and mental state.  I got depressed easily. To add to that, I would have gotten anxieties over talking to people about work. I’ve never enjoyed putting myself out there like that. I would prefer emails. Much easier. It doesn’t require actually talking to people and meeting in person. This does not seem to be the case for me anymore.

A couple weeks ago, I wandered through town here with resumes in hand. I dropped them off at various businesses and spoke to many people about employment opportunities. It came easy to me. When I wasn’t able to introduce myself and talk to the management, I called them the next day to be sure they received my resume. There was one employer that I have kept in contact with since the summer.  They wouldn’t consider me for employment until I was actually living here. Kicking Horse Coffee, rated #1 employer to work for in 2018.  They are a company that sells 100% organic products, promotes a healthy outdoor lifestyle, and pays you extra if you bike, walk or car pool to work. On heavy snow days, they shut down to go skiing. All those things, show me they care, and that’s important to me. I was told that they would keep my resume in a special file in case something came up after I was moved here. I have been checking their career page at least once a week, for months now. Nothing has come up.

Another job I saw advertised was at the local bakery. I had worked there for Peter, the owner, some 37 years ago, as a teenager. I dropped off my resume, and talked to Peter on the phone the next day. He was going to check out my resume and get back to me. Days passed without any word, yet it did not stress me out. Stress is only brought on by wanting something to happen, that isn’t happening to me right at this moment, instead of accepting what is actually happening. To be stressed because I don’t have a job, would mean I am not in the current moment where I don’t have a job. Again I would be hoping for a better tomorrow. I didn’t get discouraged in the least. I was so undiscouraged about finding employment, that I took off for almost 2 weeks. 😊.  First I went to Alberta to see family, help with some Kung fu stuff, and attend a memorial for a friend who passed away in October. Then I went to Vancouver Island for a week to visit a friend, do some hiking and exploring. I wanted to continue to stay connected with the universe, so to speak, and to allow things to line up as they should, free of worry about how I thought things should go. I had done some leg work for employment and talked to people. Now I needed to be patient, and wait to see what happened next. If nothing came up, then I would look to the next steps needed. I decided not to worry nor make up stories in my head about what may or may not happen. That would only waste good energy and promote negative energy.

After getting back to Alberta, only one day had passed when I got a call from the hardware store here in Invermere.  She was impressed by my resume and wanted to hire me, without even an interview. The catch is that she didn’t have any current positions, but would come April. A small town with only 2 street lights isn’t too busy this time of year.  I talked with her as if she was an old friend. I wasn’t nervous in the least. It felt so good, and after hanging up the phone, I smiled to myself at the thought.

A few days later, after arriving on Vancouver Island, I got a call from the bakery. Again
no interview. Mariska was the new owner as Peter is retiring. She wanted my email, so she could send me my schedule, should I still be interested. Again, I was so relaxed and confident on the phone. I talked to Mariska as if we had known each other for some time. I start tomorrow at 10:00.

I arrived back in Invermere yesterday, late afternoon. An hour later I received an email from Kicking Horse. One of the positions I was interested in just opened up, and Jess (HR), wanted to touch base and meet with me to talk about the position and my experience. I emailed her back right away, and heard back this morning.  She wanted to do a phone interview tomorrow at 10. 😊 I was honest and let her know of my job at the bakery, but said I was still interested in working at KH. I stopped in to see Jess in person this afternoon. She is doing a phone interview with me on Friday. How exciting! I may not get the job, especially when they find out I don’t drink coffee. yikes.... But I’m going to be positive and confident, and let them know I am the one for the job.

While talking to my friend last night, he said he was amazed at how things are lining up for me. He too left Alberta recently to start fresh.  Things are not lining up quite the same for him, yet he still feels he is where he should be at this time. So do I. Why am I to be here?  I have no idea. To help my foster parents at this time?  To rekindle relationships with my real family that is now only 5 hours away?  Who knows. I am not about to dissect my situation, but continue to allow things to happen as they will.  What I do think about so often, is how I got to where I am. I like to know and appreciate what has got me to this point so that I can continue to do what seems to be working for me.

My commitment to my Kung fu is definitely working for me. Especially my commitment to the I Ho Chuan. I can’t believe how far I have come, and how far behind my life and my personal progress would be without it. My day to day life would be somewhat mediocre. Staying physically fit is important to me and something as simple as daily sit-ups and pushups allow me to keep up with that. They help me to feel good about myself and about accomplishing at least one thing every day.

My meditation is another huge factor in my progress. There is actual scientific proof about the benefits of meditation. I have my own proof as I know what it has done for me. I meditate in a lot of ways. Quietly timed, with meditation music, by focusing on what I see, hear or feel, and guided meditations. These guided ones are all different. It can be about focusing energies, feeling confident, finding clarity of thought, for example. I often use a free app I have on my phone called insight timer. I meditate alone, with friends when they are around, and with friends even when they are not around. It’s the same with my Kung fu. I train alone, or with others when I can, and also with others through technology.

My favourite meditation is called ‘Inner child Healing meditation. Self love, inner power and self
worth affirmations’. The first time I listened to it, I almost turned it off without finishing it. It made me feel quite uncomfortable, and I didn’t feel I could go on with it. But I forced myself to go on.  It was still difficult, but beneficial and I have meditated to it a few times since. In the meditation, the speaker has you think of yourself as you are now, an adult, holding a baby. The baby is you. A baby you. The adult you, looks down at the baby you, in your arms, with love, affection and appreciation. As the meditation goes on, the baby you, looks up at the adult you, with the same love and affection. I got quite emotional through the meditation.  Enough so to bring me to tears. It was a very powerful experience for me and one that, along with other events and experiences, has contributed to my growth in a very wholesome way.

Last night before climbing into bed, I did my daily pushups and sit-ups. Then I did a couple guided meditations with my friend in Port Alberni. I had the best sleep I have had in such a long time, not waking until 7:30, instead of my usual 4 or 5:00. I felt great!  I was ready for my day. I felt happy...now.

As Sifu Regier stated so well in her wonderful recent journal posting, our journeys are made up of so many minute details that contribute to the destination of where our journey takes us. I love this journey I am on.  By accepting this current moment now and appreciating it, I have far more giddy up in my step. I say a jolly hello to everyone I pass by, and I see far more of what is right here in front of me right now. I haven’t reached my final destination, nor do I ever intend to. My journey is life long, and whether my life is long, or short, I plan to make the most of each and every moment. I know it wont be all roses. There will still be some downs with the ups.  That won’t change.  What I can see already happening however, is how I react to those downs.  For me, that in itself is progress.  Progress of self.