Live Life Right!

I thought I would share a journal posting from my personal journal.  I have changed the odd thing just to eliminate using any personal names of people.  I have also included a few of my pictures, just to let you all see what my life is like here in the valley. Know that I miss you all and think of you often.  Here it is........

My foster mom gave me a book to read a while ago.  It was about fibromyalgia.  It was a big book: a manual on the subject.  The information went far beyond fibromyalgia.  One section of the book talked quite simply, about living a wholesome and healthy lifestyle.  There was a list of things to do on a daily basis, as a maintenance routine.

• Stretch am and pm:  I don't do am and pm, but I stretch constantly at work whenever I get a chance.
• Talk to someone with whom you can be real:  I am lucky to have someone in my life that I can do this with.
• Meditate:  easy peasy.
• Eat healthy meals and snacks:  easy
• For 30 minutes per day, do something you enjoy: another easy thing I get to do every day.
• For 30 minutes per day, get exposure to natural light:  Being outside as much as possible, I have a hard time getting exposure to inside light.  Ha ha ha!
• Do tai chi for 15 minutes per day:  found this one interesting.  Until last year, I have to be honest and say that I did not have the appreciation for tai chi that it deserves.  I have since learned that tai chi uses our spine like a spoon, stirring and balancing our chi, which is our vital life force. It flows within and throughout the universe.  I believe this most strongly.  When doing tai chi, it is important for our intention to be put together with movement of this vital force.  Our chi flows along what is called our myofascia in our bodies that is connected under the skin, through every part of our body.  In order to reduce pain, remove blockages, and improve our microcirculation, we have to keep those pathways open.  
• Drink lots of water: I have gone from drinking 1 or 2 glasses a day to drinking up to 1 to 3 litres per day
• Journal daily for 15 minutes:  I do journal a lot, but not every day.  Yet
• Make a list of descriptive words that describe how you feel....on a good day:  I've done this and it was an interesting one to do.
• Breath properly:  for some reason I have always had a hard time with belly breathing.  I did a meditation one night while half laying down in bed.  I focused on belly breathing.  It came easy in that position, so I do it regularly now, and it has become much easier now to breath that way while standing up.
• When tired, sleep:  LOL!  Because my parents go to bed at 7:30 or 8:00, so do I.  I don't sleep right away, I journal, do research, watch photography lessons, look at the photos I've taken that  day, or email.  I turn my lights out about 10 or 11:00, and then don't get up until 8:00, when my parents do, although I am awake off and on after 5 am.  I am getting the most sleep I have ever had in my life.
• Keep a clean and uncluttered living space and a clean mind space:  I have always strived for neatness, and by clean mind space, they mean free of bitter feelings, anger, etc.  I think I'm good there.  
• Live consciously and not automatically:  I work on this daily.  I am constantly amazed at what I see out there in the world when I take the time to actually look.  When I am patient and take the time to wait, the world seems to come to me.  I can walk up to the side of a river and see and hear nothing.  Yet, when I sit for even 2 minutes, just waiting, watching and listening, I am suddenly greeted with the wonders that are happening in the world around me; the call of a song sparrow, a heron fishing for dinner, a woodpecker looking for bugs, a family of white tail deer.  There is always so much to see and be a apart of.  
  
  

Living here in this valley makes following these guidelines fairly easy.  I'm not sure exactly why, but I believe it has to do with the environment, and my present personal mindset.  Here I am surrounded by mountains, lakes, rivers and critters of all kinds.  It's easily accessible.  Last week we had 45 wild turkeys in the yard.  The toms were struttin their stuff with bright red colors hanging on their necks, fanned out tail feathers, and puffed up chests, trying to impress the ladies.  Deer wander the streets here like elk wander the streets of Jasper.  There seems to be a different mentality here too.  A lot of people that live here, have been here for years and years.  Their children and grandchildren live here, and people are compassionate about the area.  When there is a community event, hundreds of people show up: generations of families and friends.  When you walk down the street you can say hello to anyone and they don't think you are a weirdo.

All of this sounds wonderful, except for the fact that I am away from my family and my kung fu.  I miss them terribly.  It does, however, comfort me that my kids have each other, and the grandkids have aunts and uncles to bond with as well.  My son is back living in Canada now, after 6 years in the states.  It's wonderful having him close again.  I visit them about once a month, and as the weather and road conditions improve, they will visit me as well.

I miss my kung fu and the family I have there.  Watching the class videos does help a lot to stay connected, and I love seeing everyone, but its not quite the same as being there.  My kung fu isn't gone though.  It is a part of me and always will be.  The I ho chuan last year wasn't a list of hoops I needed to jump through to accomplish 4th degree.  My I ho chuan requirements were just like this list I found in the book about fibromyalgia.  They were daily tasks that I needed to do in order to fulfill a healthy lifestyle.  The I ho chuan, through my kung fu, gave me proper tools I needed.  Instead of a year long process, they became a way of life for me.  Kung fu and the I ho chuan lives on in me, as I allow it to be my lifelong compass, directing me in my daily choices, thoughts and actions.  I still fulfill a lot of my requirements and the other day at work while one of the machines was down, I started to do push ups by leaning on the side of the conveyor belt.  Five other people joined in.  It was great!!  I still do challenges, acts of kindness, walk and ride lots of kms, practice my forms, and so on.  For me, those are healthy life choices. When it's a way of life, it isn't a chore.

Will I return to Alberta, and my 2 families?  I can't really say that I won't.  For now, in this moment today, I accept that I am here, and they are there.  I alone accept the responsibility that I have to live my life as I feel is proper in order to care for myself, both physically and mentally.  Those responsibilities in turn give me peace within myself, and with all  things in my surroundings that I am connected with.  With that feeling of peace and connection, comes a natural passion to care for it.  To care for all things and all beings.

                                                         This is where I live.

 This is where I work. I walk out the door of work and the mountains are the first thing I see. 


                                          

This is one of the places I go to "play".

                                               This is what I see when I go play.

                                                            This is also what I see.

                                                           ...and this.

                                                            Common female merganzer.

                                                             Song sparrow

                                                        (Pileated woodpecker)     I love birds!

                               This is how I find and keep my peace and connection.  I simply get out in nature.  A LOT!   :)  I also meditate everywhere and anywhere.  I meditate through breath, sound, or sometimes  sight, or through what I feel, such as the breeze, the ground under me, or the sun on my face.

Returning

The past couple of weeks have been pretty busy. I am still working on my requirements and especially stepping outside the box and putting myself in what are normally for me, uncomfortable situations. I think I will have to continue with this as a lifetime challenge. It’s made a huge difference for me with my confidence in particular. I attended a Rod and Gun club dinner last Saturday evening. I only knew 2 people out of the 50 that were there. Yet I was happy to introduce myself to total strangers.  It made me actually pause at one point and realize what I had just done. I actually said to myself, “Wow!  I just introduced myself to a total stranger.”  It was so cool.  That stranger introduced me to another stranger, and we picked up a wee bit of conversation. It was wonderful!!  Felt amazing to do that!

There has been lots going on in the community.  They had a curling bonspiel on the lake here in front of the house 2 weekends ago. Last weekend was the fishing derby, and pond hockey tournament, also in front of the house here. The community is great. Hundreds of people come out to support these activities. They go till late in the evening, with campfires all over the beach and the lake, plus fireworks. I went in the fishing derby. Never ever done that before. The only fish that counted were 2 kinds that are invasive to the waters here. It’s the valleys way of cleaning the equatic environment. I came in about 8th place, they said. Not bad out of 150 people. No prize money for 8th though. That’s ok. It was so cool to hang out with the locals, and especially watch the kids get overly excited about catching a fish.

Work is crazy. I entered my second week at my new job.  Its soooo fast. I realized a really good thing about it today though. Doing quality control on a production line forces you to be 100% in the moment 100% of the time. There is zero time to let your mind wander.   You know exactly where you are and what you are doing. And you work on eye for detail every second. I’m meeting lots of new people and learning all kinds of things. I’m so far out of my comfort zone, I may never find my way back. Nah, it’s been great. And it’s not all that uncomfortable. I’m just doing a ton of things I have never done before. The people are amazing; supportive, friendly, and helpful.

I do find myself counting the days till I return to Alberta to see my family again. My son just came back to Canada after being away for 4 years. I’m looking forward to spending time with him. I’m real excited about Chinese New Year and spending the evening with my Kung fu family. Going to be great!! Nine more days!

Surrender

My daughter in Thailand called at 3 am a couple weeks ago, ready to hitch hike to Bangkok. Talk about putting terror into the heart of a mother. She begged me to get her out of Siam and bring her home. She was angry and fighting with the staff.  She was angry at herself, angry and fighting with her boyfriend who was there as well.  She wanted to leave, and she wanted to leave NOW.  She can be very defiant, and bull headed. Put that together with withdrawal, PMS, and new meds and look out!  “Yellow cards” are given out at Siam for breaking rules, being defiant, etc. She had received 11 in one week. After 5, you are asked to leave. She had also lost the priveledge of having her phone for an hour every day.  The only reason they didn’t kick her out was because of compassion. The clinical staff can relate to her underlying issues that drive her desires for self medicating, and her outbreaks.  They really want to reach her and help her, which I am so very grateful for. I gave what little advice I felt I could give. In the end, she said she felt much better and agreed to be more cooperative.

She has proven to herself, and others that she has kept true to her word. We talked again last week and she told me of a special experience she had at one of their meetings. I have her permisssion to share it here. At her meeting she came to the realization that she didn’t have to fight anymore. All her life, she felt she had been fighting. Fighting with the church that we once belonged to, fighting with her abusive boyfriend in Toronto, fighting with her x husband, now fighting with staff at Siam, and in my mind, always fighting to find where she fit into our family. She was always on the opposite side of the fence than the rest of her siblings. At her meeting she got very emotional and broke down. “Mom”, she said, “I suddenly realized I didn’t have to fight anymore. I could surrender”.  At that very moment, something in my daughter softened.

To me there are so many lessons in that one experience; trust, compassion, strength, love, and the power of surrendering. There is inspiration. I’ve thought a lot about this since we talked. I’ve also thought so much about my life situation. Yesterday, I did some ice fishing, fed the eagles perched and
waiting near by, soaked in the hot springs, then finished my day by standing at the lakes edge late at
night under the full moon and the stars, listening to its music. It creaks, moans and cracks.  Sometimes so loud it’s scarey. As I stood there so overcome with gratitude, I wondered how is it that I am so blessed with all that is good and wholesome in my life. Over and over again, positive things are happening. Not all of them big, like getting a good job, or my daughter finally becoming a mom.  Some of them are small, like being able to split a log that I assumed was way too big, or being able to find something in my storage unit that I assumed to be buried beyond retreaval. While on the phone, looking for my CORE certification that I took in 1981, I was told they probably wouldn’t find it as it was too long ago. They called back within 30 min to ask for my email so they could send me a copy. Even the simplest of things that turn out positive, I am able to easily recognize, smile to myself, and think how grateful I am.

I wonder to myself why.  Not that it matters, but I want to know what it is that I am doing, so that I can keep on doing it.  While thinking about this, the word surrender came to mind. Perhaps like my daughter, I have surrendered and left behind my negative thinking. In the past, every time something negative would happen in my life, I would feel the weight of every single thing negative that had ever happened in my life. I think that too often, I focused far too much on the negative.  Perhaps I identified myself with the negative. Yes!  That’s it. In my eyes all I saw was this victim, who only ever had negative things happen to them. During this past year, I have learned to surrender.
My life experiences are what they are. I don’t have to dwell on them anymore. I don’t have to define
myself with negativity.  I can surrender, accept, appreciate my lessons learned, appreciate who I have become, and let them go. This past year, I have been able to heal so much from my past, and bring peace to my soul.  Even when my daughter called and was all frantic about leaving Siam, I was able to not let it get me down. I remained positive and supportive. I wasn’t in the least angry, nor did I
fight with her. After all that her and I have been through over the years, we’ve never fought. Perhaps that has been a plus after all.  She could trust me and count on me.

Today I try to focus on the now. Where am I...now. What am I doing...now.  First recognize, then appreciate, this moment...now. The past is gone, the negativity is gone.  Done. From my experiences, I now firmly believe that positive thoughts bring about positive actions, which produce positive energy, that turns into positive results. I can see that so very clearly in my life. As always happens, writing this in my journal, spells it all out for me. Writing allows me to see it for what it is. My life situation could easily change, but my mind is in a good place. I can deal with what comes up and adjust, with very little disruption to my state of mind, and my belief that there are lessons and opportunity for growth in all of life’s situations. Surrender to the now.  Accept the now, for whatever it may be. Make changes if necessary, but leave behind all the negativity.

When I talked to my daughter through Face Time a couple days ago, she looked and sounded great. She was happy, smiling and laughing. She took her strengths and turned then into leadership skills.  She took it upon herself to organize and execute a movie night for everyone at Siam.  She is progressing in the right direction, and instead of yellow cards, she has been given extra priveledges. By surrendering and not fighting anymore, she has opened doors she never thought possible. She has been able to recognize and work towards her potential. The staff at Siam have asked her if she would be interested in staying there a bit longer after her treatment, to be a volunteer. They say she has many life experiences under her that would allow her to relate to so many people that would come to Siam for treatment.  My daughter has always been interested in how the mind works, and has read a ton about the subject. She has a natural compassion to want to reach out and help those less fortunate.  The clinical staff at Siam see this potential in her. They say she would do great with a degree in counselling. She is considering their offer.  “Surround yourself with friends who ask more from you than you do”

In my life I have learned that I can find the greatest of lessons in the toughest of challenges. I can find gratitude in the simplest experiences.  I can gain inspiration from those I never expected to. I
can find strength in those who rise up from the deepest depths of despair. I can surrender and accept each moment for what it is. All I have to do is take the time to experience each and every moment as they come.  Don’t just hear, but learn to listen. Don’t just look, but learn to see.

Year in Review. . .

If I was only allowed one word to describe what I have gained from my I Ho Chuan this year, I would have to say. . . “peace.”  Inner peace. Seems like such a small word, but the change this small word has made in my life is gargantuan. I have written many journals about my success this year, as I have had many great moments. I can still remember exactly how I felt when I first saw that notice on the white board. “Accepting registrations for the year of the dog, I Ho Chuan.”   I instantly knew it was something I had to do. I felt thrilled for the personal development I would gain, as I knew this from experience. I also knew there would be good days, I never knew at the time just how good. I knew there would not-so-good days, I never knew at the time, just how few.

I found that the first six months was a breeze. After that, it took a bit more determination, desire, commitment and perseverance. I may have slowed down once in a while but I never quit. What contributed the most to keep me going?  I would have to say, the daily pushups and sit ups, the journals, practicing forms, and memorizing mastery. These things together gave me the opportunity to stay engaged in what I needed to do. They kept me connected to my goals.

What, and how did I gain the personal progress that I did?  Memorizing mastery was something that I took to heart. I didn’t want to just memorize it, I wanted to understand it and incorporate its teachings into my life.
Doing my forms, and especially using videos of them, taught me how I move naturally, and unnaturally, where I need to improve. This produced growth in my art.  It has made me more aware of my energies, and of what I can do with my energies. It also showed me the truth of how my energy is connected to everything around me.
Doing acts of kindness taught me the power of compassion. It showed me first hand how reaching out to others helps the giver and receiver, and makes the world a much more enjoyable place. It also gave me the opportunity, through talking to others about my acts of kindness, to teach others that there is so much more to martial arts, than what you see looking through the window.  It inspired others to be more conscious of kindness.
My personal requirement to step outside of the box at least once a month, and do something I’ve never done before, or am uncomfortable doing, taught me so much about the potential I have that I never knew I had.  This requirement gave me the opportunity to enjoy things that I did not think I would enjoy. It brought adventure and excitement into my life, as well as good foods that I never thought I would like, but now do. (I personally think this should be a requirement for everyone as it is so beneficial).
I wasn’t able to help with the shovelling, but I did shovel my landlords driveway before I moved away, and I shoveled the Kung fu school when I was there at Christmas, and I shovel for my foster parents here.
I feel I fell short with the more community aspects, like Kwoon clean up. I was gone a lot on weekends and then for 2 months in the summer and then moved away.
Doing my demos with the team taught me that I could be brave enough to do them. It taught me how awesome it felt to be a part of the dog team. It felt completely inclusive, as I was surrounded by people who supported me.
Doing my personal demo was amazing for me!  The hours and hours put into designing it and practicing it was incredible in so many ways. It taught me so much about myself that I can use to keep moving forward.
My personal goal to climb 3 mountains gave me the opportunity to get out and make the time to do something that I really loved doing. The one hike in particular, The Judge, showed me that I was a bit tougher than I thought possible. My hikes reinforced the beauty of the world I live in and the need to take care of it.
My 1609 kms also forced me to make the time for fun.  It gave me reason to take time for me and do what I love doing; biking, hiking, skiing.  This is turn contributed to maintaining a healthy mindset.
Mend a relationship was a huge part of my inner peace as I tended to the relationship with my real mom. A very memorable experience, and one that allowed so much healing for me and for her. My next step is to call my dad. I haven’t seen or talked to him in 33 years. I think it’s time.
Keeping an online presence and journaling gave me people I can draw strength from. It gave me an extended family. It allowed me to meet some of my fellow students I never met before, and get to know the ones I had met but never really knew. It gave me like minded people to talk to.
My personal goal to meditate every day has made such an impressive impact to the quality of my life. This was the biggest contributor to my amazing feeling of inner peace that is now a daily part of my life.  Meditation forces me to slow down and to enjoy moments. Even when I’m not meditating, I notice each moment more. Meditation gives me clarity of what is in my mind, and of all that is around me. It is connected closely with what I have learned about energy. But I recognize my martial arts behind it. With the art, all of what I write about here. . . Wouldn’t be here. That’s a very scarey thought to me. I would fight so stinking hard if anyone tried to take any of this
away from me. Yet, without my Kung fu, and without me pushing hard to have a great year, none of
my success would even exist.  There’s food for thought. . .

Open Doors

I admire the young people that take Kung fu. They have such an advantage in the world. When embraced and used properly, the tools that Kung fu give us, transfer over to tremendous opportunities in the world. I speak from my own experience.

I had a job interview with Kicking Horse coffee last week. I was very relaxed and felt confident. I had a pretty good idea it was going to be easy to answer their questions. I had a lot of experience in a variety of areas. Plus, I had done a lot of interviews myself, so I knew the main idea of what they would want to know.

First question. “What do you like to do in your spare time?”  As soon as I mentioned Kung fu, there were all kinds of questions. What is the difference between Kung fu and other martial arts?  How long have you been doing Kung fu?  What belt level are you?  This leads to more questions and a simple non interview discussion. It’s a great conversation piece to ease everyone in the room and make them more comfortable in the presence of each other.  What do you do on a daily basis to stay physically healthy and look after yourself?  Easy peasy.  What do you do on a daily basis to improve yourself?  I almost laughed out loud at this one. After they finished explaining what having an eye for detail meant, thinking I had no idea....What experience do you have with having an eye for detail?  Any experience with leadership skills?  With working as a team?  Really!?  🤔😄. The interview was so easy.  Following it was a tour of the production area. Two days later, a phone call. Hay!  We at Kicking Horse think you are awesome, and would like it if you would accept an offer to join our team. I start next week.

It was great news. I have been working at the bakery for just over a month, but not getting full time hours. I had been talking to KH since the summer, and had hoped to join their team. My position is called “Packaging ninja!”  For real.  They have crazy names for all their positions. Part of the reason I like the company. They are a funny and friendly bunch. Then today, a talk from the couple that owns the bakery where I work. First from the wife, then from the husband. They are so thrilled with my work ethic and are sad to see me leave.  They commented on my skills with interacting with others, taking it upon myself to coach the new girl and make her feel comfortable there.  They love my people skills with the customers, and my confidence.   There have had some issues with other staff members being rude and making the work place uncomfortable. To me, it has been border line bullying. I spoke up, and was told that I was the bravest one there for doing so.  Changes are being made. Which is why today they offered me a position as assistant manager, with a $3 per hour raise, should I change my mind and stay, plus full time hours. That was a really tough decision, as I enjoy my work at the bakery and the new owners are so wonderful. The wife told me today that she enjoys being able to be herself and talk to me about anything, and that she trusts me. At the bakery, I get to meet all kinds of people. I talk to and interact with toddlers, young kids, teens, parents and grandparents. It’s a popular bakery so I meet lots of locals but also people from all over the world; Germany, the States, Australia, Switzerland and TONS of Albertans.  It is a friendly small town atmosphere.

I made the decision today to keep with my momentum towards KH. It’s a great company to work for, and with 100% benefits, bonuses, and extra perks, it seems to be the right place for me to be. The hours, 2 to 10 pm don’t impress me, but there’s always opportunities to move around in the company. Plus it’s monday to Friday, with all holidays off.  They were rated the number one company to work for in Canada in 2018.  Can’t be that bad of a place.  Plus they have 100% organic products, the company started here in a garage in Invermere, they belong to the free trade, and they promote outdoor activities. That impresses me and shows me what kind of people are running the company. They shut down on snow days so the employees can go skiing, and they provide $500 per year for buying outdoor gear, gym memberships, etc.  I told the bakery owners tonight what my decision was. They were very supported, and said their door will remain open, should KH not work out.

My point in all of this is that my Kung fu has opened up so many doors for me. It has given me numerous opportunities in a variety of areas. It gave me the confidence.  It gave me the tools and opportunities to hone in on my leadership skills, my people skills, my desire to improve myself, and to be the best healthiest person I could be. It taught me how to rise to my potential.  “Didn’t some of your best TEACHERS, coaches, parents, expect more from you?”  Kung fu expected more from me, and that has been extremely beneficial.  I started Kung fu when I was 35. I often wonder what it would have been like to start when I was in my teens, or my 20’s. No matter. I’ve gained so much in the last 20 years that have gotten me to where I am today. I’ve said it before. Kung fu has given me a way of life. A healthy, wholesome, positive, and rewarding way to live. Thank you to all my instructors and the instructors before them.

Tools to Strengthen

                                        Chisel Peak

This past Saturday was a very special day for me. It was an extraordinary experience, something I don’t ever remember experiencing before, and one I shall never forget.  Partly because of what I put into it, but most definitely because of what I got out of it.

Over the past few months, I have been preparing my own personal demo to present to four of the senior black belts. Preparing this demo has forced me to look deep into my training: what my strengths and weaknesses are there, what I have gained from my training, as well as looking into my soul, so to speak.  Who am I, what am I made of, what am I truly passionate about, and what kinds of things "move me".   Putting all these things together for the demo was a great experience in itself. 

I performed my demo this past Saturday, and as it turned out, Master McDonald was in attendance as well. The hour before my demo, I began to get concerned for my legs which seemed quite stiff and shakey. I knew from past experience that if I didn’t get them warmed up and some blood and oxygen pumped into them, that I would not have the coordination and balance that I needed to perform.  I began to get concerned about how I was going to force myself to focus and not be distracted by what was happening in my legs.

There was a lot going on at the school, yet I managed to do a couple of forms and some stretches. It didn’t really seem to help so I started walking around, gathering my internal energies, and then tried forcing that energy down to my legs.  I tried deep breathing as well, to get more oxygen. It began to help a bit but I worried it wasn’t going to help enough.  Once the room cleared and I had a chance to do some kicks on the heavy bag, which I had pulled out onto the floor, I began to feel a lot better. While I was standing, about to do my demo, I felt confident that my legs were ready.

Five of my six grandchildren’s voices are recorded at different points of my audio. The start of my audio has my 9 year old grandson reading a quote from one of my journals. As soon as I heard his voice, I felt my lip start to quiver and my emotions began to show. Each time I heard one of my grandchildren, I got the same response. It’s difficult to put into words, but it was as if they were right there, supporting me and cheering me on. I drew great strength from them.

The emotion and state of mind I felt during my presentation goes beyond anything I had expected: beyond anything I had ever felt before. I couldn't do my low back stances due to discomfort I've been having in the back of my knees, and there were two spots in my staff form where I had missed the beat of the music, yet as soon as I recognized it, I let it go. It was that easy. Whenever I would make a mistake while practicing, I trained myself to never stop, but keep going to the end.  Then...there was one point in my performance, I remember distinctly thinking to myself, “oh yah, I’m performing for the black belts”.  Somehow and at some point, I had gone into this place where no one else was in the room but me. I love the music I had chosen and somehow with the music and emotions I was feeling, and the emotion that I had put into my moves, I seemed to have transported myself to a place I’m not sure I had ever been to before. I was so totally 100% into that very moment.  As I write about it now, I wonder if I hadn’t transcended myself into total bliss. At least for a few brief moments.  All I know is that it was sensational.  I may have not done all my techniques and moves as well as I would have liked to.  I always tell myself after, "I could have done better".  But I could never have done better at what I had experienced this day.

At the end of my demo, I did some combinations and techniques on the heavy bag. I felt my emotions peak even higher. So hard to put into words. It was a feeling like I was fighting for my life. Putting all the power, strength and emotion I could into surviving. Yet, I wasn’t fighting to survive. All that emotion I was feeling, was coming out because I HAD survived, and because I know that I have  such a bright future ahead of me.  Writing about that just now has helped me to recognize that this is what had transpired. Although I don’t really like to use the term survivor because that sounds like I was a victim. I prefer to not think that way. In my audio it says, “show them what you are made of”.   I had lived through a father going off to prison, abuse by my step father, being put into foster care, divorce, single parenting 4 children and now a daughter away in Thailand and relationships that were not meant to be.  These are all just my life experiences and I simply did what I needed to. What am I made of?  I’m not super woman. I’m simply a carpenter of sorts. I took the tools that were given me, and I built a good life for myself, for my children, and in turn, for my grandchildren. I have built a better me. Where did I get my strengths?  I’m not really sure. They are in my genes?  Where did I get my tools?  That I know for sure. Most of the tools came from the people around me.  From those that I saw as good examples of who I one day wanted to be like. From my foster parents, a neighbor, and from my Kung fu.

What Sifu Brinker has given me personally and professionally is absolutely impossible to put a price on. He has given me the tools to build respect, confidence, self worth, independence, friendships, compassion, discipline, and a strong desire to improve. A desire to keep moving forward and grow as an individual with endless potential.  Sifu Laurie, Sifu Freitag, Sifu Hayes and Sifu Dennis have all been great examples to me. I have found in each of them, their own individual characteristics and strengths that inspire me to follow their examples.  I could list all of the black belts and students of Silent River Kung Fu, as they have all played a part in helping me to learn and grow. For that, I am forever grateful.

Progress

For the first 6 or 7 months of the I Ho churn, I was posting my progress month by month. Then I moved. I put my log book in a box marked, “going to BC”, and then stuck it, long with other stuff I wanted to take to BC, in my storage unit, along with all that I own. I still haven’t found that log book, so I’m assuming that it is still in my storage unit, and didn’t make it in my car when I left. I have started another one, but have no real idea of my exact numbers.

I am however, still truckin’ along and moving forward. Now that the lake is finally frozen, and the snow is here, I have dug out my skis and I head out on the lake to ski several Kms. My goal is to ski around the entire lake in one go before winter is up. I am pretty sure I will complete my required kms, if I haven’t already.

I thought I was doing pretty good with memorizing mastery. While at my daughters in Leduc last week, she tested me on it. I got hung up in a few spots, so she recorded it on my phone for me. I had a 6 hour drive home, so lots of time to play it over and over again. It’s been a great help in memorizing. Not only that, but even after all this time, I still pick up on things in the paragraphs. Usually just small little things that I failed to pick up before. Plus, when I listen to it, there are always experiences in my life that come up, that I can relate to what is in those paragraphs.  I know for a fact there were people in king fu that I resented, because of the mastery that I saw in them and failed to see in myself. I knew I wasn’t there yet. I’m pleased to say that I don’t feel that way anymore.  I’m always honoured to be around people who I see mastery in.

One of my personal requirements is to take an online photography course. I found quite a few free ones, and took several. 😊 Then I researched even further on topics like special effects with shutter speed, ISO, etc. I have taken my camera out a couple times to a creek that runs into the lake, and played around with different settings on my camera.

Meditating every day is another personal requirement. Wow!  What can I say. I’ve had amazing experiences and learned so much in this area.

I am pretty sure I have done at least 1000 reps of both my forms. Yet I am still doing several nearly every day. I have discovered I like doing my forms on the hardwood floor. I seem to feel every part of my feet connect with the floor, instead of feeling more pressure in some areas of my feet than others. It also seems a bit easier to draw up the energy from below when I am on the hardwood. It is definitely different though. After doing my forms on the hardwood at the gym here, it was a struggle to do my forms at the Kung fu school over Christmas. I didn’t think it would make all that much of a difference, but it sure did.  The way my feet moved on the floor, transferred all the way up to the rest of my body. When my feet struggled to move smoothly as they should, so did my legs, and even up to  my torso and my arms. I got a bit frustrated at first. It was as if I hadn’t been practicing at all. But after the first day there, practicing and trying to be patient with myself, I kept at it, and eventually it got easier.

Acts of kindness. Done. But not really. Acts of kindness is showing compassion. That’s a way of life, not a requirement.

I’m still stepping outside of the box and into uncomfortable zones. But it’s all good. I have learned a lot about myself, and the things I can do, which I thought I couldn’t do.

Journaling regular is on schedule. I’m really happy for this one as it closes the distance for me. Writing mine and reading others, keeps me connected.





I’m also still learning things weekly. Although lately, it’s been daily. I research different topics all the time, and with the new job, the learning is constant.

I’m pleased with my progress this year. It has been a very incredible journey. “I once was lost, but now I’m found” comes to mind.

It’s 8:30 on New Year’s Eve. I just finished working on some Kung fu stuff and am now laying in bed. I work early tomorrow, and besides, I’m beat. I can see the fireworks through my bedroom window that someone is letting off at the beach. Celebrating the end of a year?  Or the beginning of a new one. If 2019 is anything like 2018, I’ll be thrilled. It is what you make it, and I plan to make it ...epic.