To Train or Not To Train.

In my nine years with Silent River Kung Fu, I have seen many people come and unfortunately, go. I don't have any idea of what it would take to come back to kung fu after leaving for a while because I have never left. All I know is what I see in my son. He is somewhat shy and absolutely hates to draw attention to himself. He has been out of kung fu for awhile now, but is a true black belt by heart through and through. He loves it when I ask him to help me practice. He gets this huge grin on his face and likes to analyze what we're doing. He has a collection of swords that he pulls out quite often to just look at and hold while watching a movie, or reading a book. My son honors his black belt and the code of ethics. He keeps up his physical condition and gets top scores in fitness tests at school. Then why does he not come back to kung fu? Besides the fact that he is somewhat of a hermit, I can only guess that it's because he's been away so long, that he has forgotten some stuff, though not much, and this would draw attention to him in class. Is this why most people find it hard to come back? Fear of embarrassment? Knowing the students at Silent River Kung Fu like I do, I know that he, and any others that return to kung fu, would be welcomed with nothing but 100% support and encouragement.

I do know, however, the challenges that come with trying to attend all my classes, and the strength it sometimes takes to keep going to kung fu. I'll be honest here and say that there have been times over the past nine years that I have wanted to walk away. Why? Sometimes I have felt that I'm just not good enough. Also, a short while after I first got my black belt. As Sifu Laurie recently mentioned, being a black belt is so exciting, but scarey at the same time. At other times it was because of personal, emotional, or family conflicts, or just feeling like I'm spread too thin. Raising four kids by myself and holding, at times as many as four jobs, can often feel like enough for me. To go to kung fu and keep up my training, just adds one more thing to the list. And yet I am still here. Arthritis, divorce, and not even moving away has made me leave. Why? Why am I still here? Kung fu has become so much a part of my life that even if I quit, it would still be a part of me, because kung fu is not just how I act, it's how I think. So couldn't I just quit now, and keep living without kung fu? No.

I use all the strength I have in me to keep going to class. If I come home from an 8 hour day at work, grocery shop, make my family dinner, and then crash on the couch for 10 minutes, I force myslef to get up and get going. Why? I guess I know what's good for me. If there's one thing I could write a testimonial about, it's how good kung fu is for me, and the benefits of it in my life. Also because I tell myself I am strong enough to get off the couch and go. Call it what you will, but I tell myself I am better than that. There has never been a time when I have "forced" myself to go to class and come away regretting it. I have always left feeling better, thinking more clearly, and gratefull that I went. Besides, it isn't just what kung fu can do for me, but also what kung fu allows me to do for others: teach, show compassion, inspire, uplift, and encourage.

I have never wanted to just do kung fu, but I have always wanted to be a martial artist. I have much work to do. A lot of work to do in fact. So I have to get off the fence and put everything into it. Teaching helps immensely, because it keeps me up with my curriculum. But I know it isn't enough. I know I could find the time to do more. I want to find the time to do more. I realize this is very important to me. I envy these young people that can devote so much time to their training, but one day soon the tables will be turned. They will have young families and mine will have moved away. A time and a season, right?

Strength. Strength to stay. Strength to come back. Each of our obsticles to overcome are unique in their own way, because we are all unique. The way that kung fu enriches each of our lives is unique as well, because we all have different needs and desires. But one thing is and always will remain the same for all of us. Kung Fu does enrich our lives and molds us into better individuals. Sometimes the change is quick and noticeable like childrens grades in school, as I witnessed with my own kids. Sometimes it is slow and only noticeable over time, like our feeling that we are truly worth something. There are hidden benefits as well, I believe. Master brinker once told a story about almost being a victim to a crimainal act. It was what he said at the end that has always stuck with me. We never know when we may have been targetted to be a victim, but weren't because of the way we hold ourselves. Criminals walk away from people who hold their head high and walk with confidence. Kung fu is safety in more ways than one. Kung Fu is good for us. It's good for all of us. We all have to find our own way in life. As for me, kung fu helps point me in the right direction.