Wrenches and Rules

I have always been one to end my day with thoughts of all the things I am grateful for. Understanding how quickly things can change and be taken away from me, I don't like to take anything for granted. Some of the stuff at the top of my "grateful list" are the safety of my kids, a day without tragedy of accident, major illness or life threatening disease, my own health and having the ability to do the activities that I enjoy doing, my job, my home, and more recently...my bike.

Still, when a wrench get tossed into my daily routine of life, being grateful doesn't really make the pain go away. I am still very grateful for what I do have and know that things could be worse. "I once was upset because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet". I had that experience this week. Having sciatic problems in my leg is very painful, but when I ran into a guy at work that has MS, and has issues with just walking around, I put everything back into perspective. My situation will eventually get better, whether through my own doing, or surgery, or just time. My friends situation at work, will not improve, even with time or surgery of any kind. He will live with his MS for the rest of his life, and instead of get better, it will only worsen. There is no cure for him.

Being the independent and very active type of person that I have become over the years, I don't do well when I can't do what I want to do, and I especially don't handle it well when people or situations try to control me. Having a herniated disk pinching the sciatic nerve in my leg is doing just that. I can no longer go about my usual daily routines of life as I once could. I now have "rules". Can't do this, can't do that.

I have had this herniated disk for about a month now, and during that time, I have had a lot of people give advise as to what I should do, and things I have to avoid. Friends, doctors, chiropractors, and web sites I have visited. Desperate for relief of this painful situation, I tried everything. Over the last couple weeks, I have had days when I would start to feel a small hint of getting better. Then someone would say, "try this", followed by several testimonials of how it helped other people. I would try it and the next day be in worse pain than the day before. Three times this has happened to me, and three times I have had these setbacks. I have also either read through my research, or been told by someone, to sleep only on a firm mattress, nothing soft, don't sleep on your stomach, or lay on the side that hurts, no lifting, no leg stretching, take it easy, as well as stay active.

I woke up this morning with a decision to throw all that advise out the window and listen only to my body. I have slept on every bed and couch in the house to find relief, and the one that helps the most is my own bed. The softest, comfiest one in the house. So I am sticking to it. Laying on my stomach also makes me feel somewhat better when I am having a really painful day. Even laying on the side that hurts, sometimes helps. It seems to force the muscles in the leg to relax a bit instead of having free reign to be all tight and twitchy.

The only advise I will follow came from a close friend that is a doctor. "Find moderation and balance in being active and resting". This is good advise that does seems to help. I put it to good use first thing in the morning. I have to, no choice. I start work at 4 am. Mornings are the very worst for me and it takes some effort to get moving in the mornings. I brush my teeth, then have to lay down and wait for the wave of pain to pass. Get dressed laying down, do my hair, lay down, make up, (what little I wear), then again lay down. Needless to say, I have been late for work every day this week.

I do this type of alternation all through my day, but not quite so drastic. Once I get going, I loosen up a bit, and the pain is more tolerable. So, I start at 4 am, and when I get home for lunch at 9:00, I quickly make something to eat, and then lay down till I have to return to work. Immediately after work, I again come home and lay down for at least a couple hours. Get up, do some chores, prepare supper, then lay down. After that I am up for a while do my pushups and situps, and then shower and bed. I hate not being able to go non stop, but I have to "suck it up", as they say.

I have discovered that the worse things for me, are driving my car, and sitting, especially at the computer desk. I am grateful my son has a laptop, so I can half sit, half lay down on the futon with his laptop to do my journals. I am also grateful for my bike. It has become my most prize possession. I go everywhere on it, and don't drive my car unless I need to bring home something heavy like groceries, or absolutely have to go into the city. On days that I ride for over an hour at a time, I have my best days. So long bike rides will become part of my new daily routine. Doing kicks and a lot of twisting is not good, so for now, my kung fu training will be very limited, or adjusted. I am betting that now would be a good time to really polish up on my Tai Chi. Yoga is OK, if again, I adjust it and bend my knees.

I have always been grateful for my kung fu, and my yoga. Both have given me such an intense feel for self awareness. I think maybe this is one aspect of our training that people don't really see or notice the benefits of. It's there. It happens so gradual over a period of time, so may not be very noticeable, but I know for a fact that it is there. I know for a fact that it has been a great benefit to me. I know my body very well. That is why I have to do what works best for me. Just because something worked to cure someone else, doesn't mean it will work for me. By being attentive to what my body is telling me, I can do what is best to help cure it.

So, I have been thrown a monkey wrench to cause me to change my daily routine, and been given rules to make appropriate adjustments to those things I have always been able to do without even giving it a second thought. I don't like it, but am willing to live with it in order to get my health back to where it needs to be. It's my long term health that's important. Besides, I can't lose perspective of the fact that things could be a lot worse. Every day, I am grateful that they aren't.