Time to Start Living

Live in the moment. Live for the moment. Appreciate the now. I have to be brutally honest here and say that I usually suck at this...until now. I'm learning, and I am getting there.

I always think, and hope, that tomorrow will be a better day; I'll have more money, I'll have more time, I'll fall in love. But, so far, those days have never come, and I'm tired of wasting valuable time and energy hoping that they will. Today is the day to be happy and appreciate what I've got. I never thought appreciation was a problem for me, but if I think about it, how can I say I appreciate all I've got and yet want more? I have tried real hard these past months to still my soul and be content with who I am, where I am, and where my life is at personally. I've learned to not have expectations for a better tomorrow. Expectations, different from goals, only lead to letdowns. When I am content and at peace with my life, anything extra that comes along is a bonus. And expectations of others can load them down with guilt.

For me, living in the moment means using all of my senses, all of the time. I guess that's why I like being in the mountains the most. It's so easy to slow things down enough to smell the trees, hear the nearby streams, and the birds, feel the surface of the earth beneath my feet, taste the mist in the morning fog, and see the multitude of hues in the forest greens. In town, there are too many distractions that draw my senses elsewhere or make me unaware of them altogether. It's like going to a restaurant and feeling very hungry. My mouth is watering in anticipation for that succulent juicy steak. The steak comes along and I eat it. But...I didn't actually take the time to taste it. I was too distracted by conversation at the table, and the going-ons in the restaurant. When I'm finished eating it, I realize I didn't take time to savor it, and even notice the taste. I failed to live in the moment and instead let it slip by. I sometimes do the same thing when I listen to my music. A favorite song comes on, so I crank up the volume and feel my inner excitement build in anticipation of the joy the song will bring. Then the song ends and my mind is brought back to it. Where had it been? It wandered in a matter of seconds. Onto other thoughts. I completely stopped even registering that the song was playing. So I start the song over again, and force myself to focus on it. I sing the words, hear the instruments, feel the bass, and recognize my emotions. I live in the moment. If it's a really wonderful song that stirs my emotions in a favorable way, I live FOR that moment.

At work, it's hard to live in the moment. I'm really busy and things move fast. But I am learning that there are many other opportunities to live in the moment. When I am driving on the road outside of the city I can enjoy the glow of the northern lights, the patterns of the stars, the tunes on my ipod, and the solace of the moment. When I'm playing cards with my kids, I can relish in the sound of their laughter, the strength of their relationships, and the appreciation for their good health. I can even remember to live in the moment when I am doing my kung fu. During a form, I can sense a connection between my feet and the ground, feel the air brush by my arm, hear the rhythm of my breath, and even smell the air around me.

Yes, live in the moment. Live for the moment. For years now, I have convinced myself that in order to be happy, I would have to have more money. I would have to fall in love in order for my life to be fulfilled. I am done with that way of thinking. I realize now that it was sucking the very life out of me. It may sound cliche and I have heard it so many times before, but I'll say it anyways. The only person I need to make me happy and the only person that can make me happy, is myself. I finally believe that now. It didn't happen over night. It took months of soul searching, and working at turning around my negative attitude. I suppose heartaches have had a bit to do with it too.

Live in the moment. I may not have extra money to buy nice things, but I have enough to get by. I can survive. I can survive being single as well. I have come to grips with it. I thrive on independence. I depend on myself for almost everything. Now I can depend on myself for happiness. I find solace and strength in that. I have found "moments in my life". I can be happy for today and now, instead of waiting for a tomorrow that may never come. Only I can know the magnitude of the huge weight that has been lifted from my shoulders with this new growth within myself. I am free from the bonds of expectation.

Live in the moment. Live for the moment. Yes - I can do that. I will choose to do that. "My void comes from inner peace...All we have to do is live. Live in any way we choose. We choose our fate this way. Our fate shows the path we tread, and the paths we believe in our souls we can walk..." "I am never looking at my past as a reference to my future. I am here. Now. In the moment." Travis Panasiuk