To Lead or not to Lead

A few weeks ago, I had been given a job to do at the back of the store where I work. Myself and a couple of my coworkers had to cut up a bunch of junk pallets and pile the rest of them in nice neat stacks. It was a no brainer kind of job, but a lot of work. I didn't mind, and besides it was a nice day. Being outside doing a not-so-fun job is far better than being inside doing a not-so-crappy kind of job as far as I am concerned.

About an hour into the job, the assistant store manager that I work closely with, came out to see how the job was going. My coworkers were off a ways out of ear shot when my manager walked up closer to me. He just kind of stood there, which was pretty weird. Then he said, "hay...um..." I asked him what was up? He said, "well..." I said, "oh come on Bill, just spit it out. I'm easy to talk to." So he asked me, "why are you here?" I thought it was kind of a silly question so simply told him that I was cleaning up these junk pallets because I had been asked to. "No", he said. "Why are you here now, doing what you do?" I knew what he was getting at, even though he had a hard time spitting it out. I had been approached about this subject more than once over the last couple weeks. "You want to know why I'm not in a manager position, don't you?" He said, "yes, because you certainly have the capabilities." Hhhmmmmmm...

I told Bill that I had taken the "interview managers test" in the past and been offered a position. I turned it down however, because of a couple of reasons. #1 Managers schedules are all over the board. Every day they work a different shift. I work 4 AM to 1 PM, every day. It never changes. #2 Managers work weekends. I work Monday to Friday. #3. I really didn't want the stress and headache that managers get from their job. After I explained this, Bill simply said, "thank you, that's all I needed to know."

I have thought a lot about this conversation in the last few weeks and questioned my decision. Not asking myself if it was the right choice, but was it a good leadership decision? Leadership plays a large role in my martial arts training. We are given the tools and encouragement to become great leaders and make positive changes in the world. Would being a manager give me the opportunity to make great changes in the world? Probably not, but it would be an awesome opportunity for learning, improving my leadership skills, and facing a challenge. I would be up for that in a minute. But not at the cost it would take. Being upfront and honest with myself, I would have to say that the biggest reason I do not want a managers position is because I am working towards a stress free kind of lifestyle. I like being able to clock out at the end of the day, and walk out the doors worry free. As a manager it would be difficult to do that. With more responsibilities, comes more worries, and it would be hard for me not to take my work home with me. I don't want that in my life.

On Friday I took off to Lake Chickakoo for 4 hours. I did some writing, rode my bike through the trails, then sat in the sun reading. Peace, serenity, sheer joy. That is the kind of life I seek. No worries, no stress. Life in general has it's own components of pressures and stress, but I have learned how to deal with them and keep them to a minimum. I really don't want to add to them. Is this selfish of me? Does this make me a cop-out? I have decided the answer is no. I have come to the conclusion that I need and want to do what is in my best interests. Right now working 4 to 1 Monday to Friday gives me so many more opportunities to do the things that enrich my life, such as taking off to Chickakoo, camping and hiking on the weekends, biking in the afternoons, or reading in my hammock in the back yard. Wow! When I say it like that, it does sound kind of selfish. But, I guess that's ok. Ha ha!

Peace, harmony, tranquility. Within the world and within oneself. These are also part of being a martial artist, and I do seek after these things. I like my life and my schedule just the way it is. At work I am still a leader amongst my team. Perhaps not in a managerial kind of way, but in other ways such as knowledge, moral building, and as someone to be counted on. There are a lot of other areas in my life that give me opportunities for leadership as well, especially in my martial arts training.

So, after struggling with this for a while, it suddenly seems clear, now that my thoughts are all out in the open. I have made the right decision by not accepting the position of a manager, and that's good enough for me. There stands no reason to feel guilty.