Feb 25,12

Thursdays are my busiest days of the week, and with that, also the longest. I start my day by being up at 5 (4:00 if I go work out before I go to work), and then I am at my first job at 6. At 3:00, I go directly to my next job and clean a house for 2 hours, then straight to kung fu and help teach the kids classes until 7:30. The only break I get is an hour lunch at 10:00am. By the end of the day I am quite tired, my feet hurt and my legs ache. Yet still, this past week I decided to stay at the kung fu school at 7:30 and train with a few of the other I Ho Chuan members.

After 30 minutes of everyone working on their forms, we sparred for the next 30 minutes after that. I have sparred once in probably the last 2 years, if not even longer than that. My sparring skills suck, and so does my confidence. I can tell, because I am hesitant as I reeeeaaaach way out with my punches and try to hold my head back as far away from my opponent as possible. I am not sure why there is this change in me as I used to love sparring, as well as grappling.

While fighting in a tournament as a brown belt, I got in a fight for first place. Even though contact to the head was illegal, I took a bad hit to my face and my eye started to swell instantly. The injury was bad enough that I got taken out of the fight, and put in the care of the medical help standing by. My opponent was awarded first place. To this day, I wish I had been able to keep fighting. Not only because I might have taken first place, but because it is like the horse scenario. As soon as you get bucked off, you need to get back up on that horse. I had a real shiner for quite sometime as the bruising took up most of the right side of my face.

I don't know if this situation is what stole my confidence with sparring, but I suspect it was. I rarely sparred since then and when I had to spar in class, I hated it.

Thanks to the I Ho Chuan requirements, I have to get back at it, and rebuild my skills and my confidence in myself. This past Thursday evening was a big step for me. I literally had to force myself to spar, even though I was tired, and really didn't want to. I was so glad I did as I had a great time. I loved it and I loved the atmosphere that was there. Everyone was supportive, helpful and quite laid back. We all had a good time. I didn't feel in any way that I had to make an impression because of my rank. I didn't feel intimidated by the people there. I didn't feel scared.

When people talk to me about doing this I Ho Chuan they are amazed and think I am somewhat crazy to do it. They don't get it. They have troubles understanding it. I always tell people the same thing. This is the best decision I have made for myself in a very, very, long time. My boss came to visit me this week at work, and he always asks me how many pushups I have done so far. This week he questioned me a bit more about why I am doing it. He wants to know what I get in return when all is said and done. I didn't even hesitate. I told him that I will be a better person next year, than I am today.

I have very supportive friends and family. There are however a lot of people that think I am crazy. They think that it is very abnormal for me to do what I am attempting to do. They are absolutely right. That is just another reason why I do it. Because it's not normal.