Sifu Stoddart: It Really Bugs Me

Monday, October 15, 2012

It Really Bugs Me

What am I really afraid of? Performing in front of others. When I practice, it doesn't seem so bad, especially when I practice in front of the same people over and over again. I get that feeling like this isn't so bad, and try to hang onto that, so when I do have to perform in front of others, I can relax and just enjoy the experience. I convince myself that I can do it. Then when it comes down to it, I get so freaking nervous and it drives me crazy. I don't think it will ever get better.

This happened last Friday night at the black belt class. We had to perform all of our forms. I was real nervous, but did not too bad. Until it came to stick. Then, I couldn't remember the first couple moves to get started. That's all it took, and then I got flustered and nothing worked. This feeling went into the next form which was spear. I sucked at that too.

What I find bothersome here, is that the very next day, as I drove to the kung fu school, I could do stick perfectly in my head. When I got to the school, I could actually do it with my stick. With help by sihing Lowery on a couple of brain farts with spear, I got through that entire form too. So what happened Friday night? I got nervous, and my brain forgot how to work. Even Sifu Rybak made a comment to me that she could see I got nervous and then flustered.

I guess what it all boils down to, is practice enough so that even when you are nervous, your muscle memory can pretty much perform on it's own. I have to admit that I hadn't touched stick or spear for probably a year or more, so how can I possibly expect to perform any better than I did.

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My 20 Wishes. . .I want to do:
1. Vacation in a cabin in the mountains.
2. Fall in love.
3. Travel somewhere exotic.
4. Buy a motorcycle.
5. Write my life story.
6. Take my kids and grandkids to Disneyland.
7. See my dad again and have him meet my kids, and grandkids,
8. Hike the West Coast Trail. (done)
9. Buy my own home.
10. Climb a Via Ferrata. (done)
11. Have corrective eye surgery.
12. Find a reason to trust. (Done)
13. Perform with chi.
14. Go caving.(done)
15. Learn to play piano again.
16. Go Skinny Dipping. (done)
17. Take swimming lessons.
18. Take a wood working class.
19. Take Ballroom dance lessons.
20. Straighten my front teeth.

My 20 Wishes. . .I want to be:
1. Conscious
2. Loyal
3. Faithful
4. Good parent
5. Respectful
6. Talented martial artist
7. Healthy
8. Physically fit
9. Reliable
10. Trustworthy
11. A good grandparent
12. Awakened
13. Honest
14. Independent
15. Strong of character
16. Confident
17. A leader
18. Uplifting to others
19. Full of a positive countenance
20. Free from suffering

I love adventures, and experiencing new things for the first time. Never has this been more true than in the experiences I get from kung fu. Earning a black belt seemed to be all about me. I sacrificed, worked real hard, disciplined myself, and grew to new heights I never thought possible. I watched my life change before my very eyes. Not just small changes, but big ones that even I noticed.

Being a black belt seems to be more about others. I help others to meet their potential through their own sacrifice, and determination. As I do this, I find great fulfillment watching others change the shape of their lives, and find their own sense of peace. Black belts are just ordinary people, but doing extraordinary things, at an extraordinary level. Through this realization, we start to evolve from black belts to true martial artists, with a passion for the art that we strive to pass on to others. We continue on our path of progression, but it is through our sacrifice towards others that changes occur.

I have a huge testimony of what we do at Silent River Kung Fu. I rejoice every time I teach a class, especially the beginners, and my heart swells when I see the future of kung fu in the excited eyes of the students. By helping these students find a new way to look at life, we help them become better individuals, through their own realization of self worth. This in turn builds stronger communities, and a much more positive world to live in. When we fully understand that, we start to look outside of the kung fu box, and begin to see that vision of what we are really doing as we teach kung fu. Instead of just seeing the techniques and the forms, the mistakes people do and the improvements people need to make, we start to finally see...the people.

Students come to Silent River Kung Fu because they have this idea that learning martial arts is fun. They keep coming back because it is fun. What most students don't even realise, is that they also keep coming back because here they feel respected, cared about, and they receive a sense of belonging. What is the first thing we do when we taste something really good? We try to get someone else to taste it by saying, "wow! You've got to try this." It is important to give all students, whether they are new or not, that experience that will make them say, "you've got to try this." Every student that walks through the front door should feel like they are a part of our kung fu family. We can do that by seeing...the people. Watching with an eye for detail, to see their needs, their emotions, their strengths, and their apprehensions. Only by doing that can we really begin to teach, and help shape the lives of others. From my own experience, I believe this to be the only way to progress to that next level as a martial artist. I believe it, I have experienced it, I trust it.