October.....Done.

Well it has been an incredibly busy whirlwind kind of month.  Teaching yoga, getting ready for the tournament, participating in the tournament, training the new supervisor at work, spending time with grandkids and spending every available moment moving.  I finally finished moving this afternoon.  It got a bit hectic the last few days and i have had a couple of very late nights, missed a bit of work, but I pushed hard and got everything done.  Today I have felt a bit nauseous, and woozy in the head.  I think it is just due to very little sleep, not much to eat, and an excess of physical activity.  I should know better, that this is not a healthy way to treat my body.  When I have a job to do, and especially when it involves a deadline, I tend to put everything I have into it, no matter how hard I have to work at it.  I just set my focus on getting done what needs to be done.  Sleeping and eating tend to take a back seat.  This week, so did my push ups and sit ups.

This morning, I finished my move with 3 loads to the dump.  I have never been to the transfer station before, and was thrilled to see that some of my stuff I could put in the "take it or leave it" shed.  There were people waiting when I pulled up, and they took my stuff right away, so this made me very happy to be able to recycle some of my things this way.  I am trying hard to become more of a minimalist than I already am.  There were some things that I had to throw into the garbage bin, mostly wood.  I got a bit emotional at this part, seeing all the garbage in the huge pit.  This is what we are feeding our earth.  I was so sickened at the thought of all this junk getting burried into our soil.  Into our earth.  It definitely makes me want to try harder to live with less.  Shelves, dishes, containers, all end up in the garbage when we are done with them.  It's frightening to think, and to watch, how much of these kinds of things just end up in our dump sites.

The yoga was so much fun to teach this month.   I enjoyed it thoroughly.  It did not feel like a chore, but rather like a privilege.

Another privilege I had was the tournament.  I have to be honest and say I have a hard time with tournaments.  I get extremely nervous, not just with competing, but with judging as well.  With so few black belts there to help this year, I felt even more nervous than usual.  I talked to Sifu Y. Chillag at the beginning of the tournament about this.  He expressed the same feelings.  Somehow that made me feel a bit better, knowing I wasn't the only one feeling nervous about the day.  As always, it didn't take me long before I felt comfortable, and started to really enjoy the experience.  I see this all the time.  I allow myself to get all freaked out about having to do something, and in the end, I find out that it wasn't all that bad.  I really enjoyed being able to judge and competing was good in that it made me step outside of the box.   It was a good day for me, and I was so glad that I didn't let my anxieties about competing and judging keep me from having the good experiences that I did. 

I competed in hand forms.  I had practiced for weeks with music in preparation to do a musical form.  I had gotten to the point of the music fitting so perfectly with the techniques in my form.  I was however, really worried about how to set up my music when I did my form.  It was just music that I got off of a youtube video.  So at the last minute before handing in my registration, I checked off hand form and that was it.

I knew that I had to totally focus on what I was doing at all times while performing.  If I allow my mind to wander, I get stuck and forget where I am in the form.  This is especially a problem when I am used to facing a particular way.  So the whole time I did my form, I said over and over to myself, "stay focused, stay focused".  This seemed like a good idea at the time, but at the end of my form I wasn't so sure.  I did manage to stay focused and not forget any moves, but I have no idea if I did my techniques properly and as best as I could.  After I was done, I had no idea if I kept my stances low enough, if I worked my body together with my hand techniques in the crane part of my form.  I was a bit annoyed at myself for trying so hard to focus on keeping my form in order, that I didn't put enough focus into making sure to do proper techniques.  I know how I can get sloppy when I perform in front of others, because I am so nervous, and tend to rush through my form.  But if I was to just keep my focus on doing my techniques with intent, I would feel so much better about it, and probably do a much better job.  It would have been nice to have a video of my form when I was competing.  Mostly because I would like to see how well I do under pressure.  I would like to see how much of my techniques slip due to my nervousness.

I came away from the tiger challenge having learned so much, having felt so much, (I get real emotional at times when people are getting their medals), having enjoyed so much, and feeling more connected with the members of Silent River Kung Fu.  Running a tournament takes a lot of leadership, and team work.

So now that the busy month is over and I am moved out and homeless,( ha ha), I imagine I will have a bit more time on my hands for training.   I am looking forward to this.  I have trained a lot lately to music. It's funny because this is the only time I ever listen to music.   I love doing kung fu to music! It adds a whole new challenge to doing my forms, makes me look a bit closer at my forms, dissecting them a bit more.  Slower music causes me to take the time to examine how I move, meaning how my body works together and how everything flows.  Faster music helps me to add the power, and intensity.  Music also adds a new level of emotion to my kung fu training.  That is hard to explain, but music makes training more exhilarating, more thrilling for me.  Depending on the music, it can also help me to push myself harder, practice longer.  I tell myself, "only one more time"..... about 15 times!

So tomorrow marks a new month.  A month with many different opportunities coming my way.  A month full of different roads that can lead in a variety of directions. Where those directions will lead depends on the choices I make, and how much effort I put into my choices.  It will depend on my attitude and state of mind.  Positive, wholesome and clear thoughts will definitely lead me down the right road.  Bring it on I say!