Mastery becomes isolation.

I have been divorced for 12 years now, and lonliness has been a problem for some time.  It seems to be  a struggle I have been "blessed with", as part of my life's challenges.  Why, and what I am to learn from it, I have no idea.  For the last year, I have been living on false hope that the lonliness would not last a lifetime.  Last night that hope disappeared and lonliness stared me directly in the face.  This lead me to these thoughts.

When you are a martial artist you eventually somehow become isolated from the rest of the world, in my opinion. I experience this more and more as time goes on, and this year, with the I Ho Chuan, it gets clearer and clearer.  Mastery, in my mind, has always been defined as being extremely good at something.   With my study and memorizing and contemplation of Mastery, I have come to understand that Mastery is much grander than that.   Mastery is going above and beyond the ordinary, on a constant basis.  Mastery is about developing compassion for yourself.  Mastery is being able to accept corrections, and learn to improve on those corrections.  The big one, and the one that I feel isolates me the most from others in the "real world", is the removal of mediocrity.

I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't watch TV.  I don't go to Tim Hortons or MacDonalds.  I rarely eat any fast food.  I don't drink bottled water, or coffee. I don't drive kids around to sports events on the weekends.  I don't stay up late or sleep in.  I don't like crowds of people, shopping or hanging out at the mall.  I don't surf the web, or chat online. I don't have a social network of friends.  Because of my single status, I don't spend  weekends with family working in the yard or going to a movie.   If I don't do all that, then what the heck do I do??!!

With tears in my eyes for the reality of it all, I sit on my computer at 6am on a Saturday morning, journaling to the world my personal inner feelings, because I can't sleep.  I have 2 actual friends, and the majority of my social life is spent with my kids and grandkids. I work out for 5 hours on a Saturday, and get up at 4:30am to work out yet again before I go to work.  Making any kind of appointments on week nights is a challenge as 3 nights out of the 5 are spent at the kung fu school.   My coffee breaks at work are spent memorizing Mastery or the Tai chi sequence.  I eat vegetables, fruit, yogurt, hummus.  Instead of watching the latest reality TV show, or sitcom, I read, I rock climb, I mountain bike on ski hills, I back pack, and kayak.  Instead of going to a rare dinner function that I got invited to, I am absent as I go to my Friday night kung fu classes.  I am passionate about forgiveness, family, compassion for all things created, acceptance of all people, taking care of our physical and mental self and that of those around us.  I am passionate about life.  I believe that the journey is the real reward, not the destination, and that any obstacle in life can be beat with strong enough determination to survive.  I believe that if it is worth complaining about, shouldn't it be worth doing something about it?

Am I saying that I have achieved Mastery?  Absolutely not.  I am, however, working towards it.  I don't by any means confess that I am better than other people in the world.  I don't confess to be the only one with these beliefs and experiences.   There are days, however, when I feel like Frodo.  When all was said and done, he could not return to the world of ordinary people, due to his experiences that were far, far beyond the ordinary.  His experiences changed him.

My experiences in the martial arts world have changed me.  I have a hard time sitting in the lunchroom at work, and listening to conversations around me; how upset they were about what happened on last nights reality show, the gossip of others who are not in the room, personal conversations about the ex wife or husband  who won't let the other parent visit the kids, not out of concern for the children, but simply out of spite towards the other parent.  The conversations about how drunk they got on the weekend  are some of the hardest to bare.  With my own mother and sister, the pain I feel is huge.  They constantly struggle in life and spend most hours of every day complaining about it.  They refuse to change or look for a better way.  They refuse to get out of the rut they have made themselves a prisoner in.   I see so many people that eat the same fast food and Tim Hortons coffee, every single day.  They talk of the same TV shows and daily routines they march to day in and day out.  I have yet to meet a person who is happy about it.

I often feel that people just don't get it.  They don't seem to look beyond their own feelings and actions.  I know we all have our own life's experiences and we all do the best we can.  I get that, and I don't want to seem like I am judging others.  What bothers me about all of this is that so much pain in the world is caused by such simple things that can very easily be avoided.  Forgiveness is worth it.  A kind word goes such a long way.  So much pain and suffering in the world is caused by greed.  Why must people have more than the other guy?  Why must people feel they are better than others, and tear down those who they see as a threat?  Why must someone hurt another to make themselves feel good?  Why must a parent yell at an innocent child, just because they feel they have the power to?  What gives them the right? 

I am constantly bothered by these things and many others, but feel powerless to help.  So I try to be a good example and without boasting, quietly let others know who I am.  I can see small changes  in some people around me, and there are those close to me that appreciate my differences  There are those who admire me for my beliefs and my willingness to be healthy and fit, and live good values.  There are also those who snub their nose at my differences, and have the opinion that I am just plain weird.

Part of Mastery is surrounding yourself with friends who ask more of you than you do of yourself.  A friend like that is rare indeed, as most of the people I associate with have the impression that I already ask too much of myself.  Maybe I do, but without that I know for a fact that I would not be where I am today.  Being single is indeed difficult at times.  Being unhappy and in a place I would rather not be, is far more difficult.  Where am I and why am I here?  I know the answers to that.